Let Me be Damned

It was speaking to her now. But this time she had it. It wouldn't get its evil way this time.

She could feel it, growing in her head. Taking control of her mind, body and banishing her soul to some back row seat, ready to watch the show. But this time it would be the helpless victim, trying desperately to get free, but trapped beyond any hope of escape. It may have power to take over her body, but her body was only so strong, and it had no way to overcome that.

It leapt, taking full control over her earthly body, leaving her nothing but a spectator. Now she could do nothing but pray that her plan would not fail. Pray that this would be the end of it all.

It looked round, her heart racing, close to hyperventilation, just like it always did, gradually slowing down to a normal rate. Except this time it found itself not in the small bedroom of her flat as it normally did, but in the empty spare room containing nothing but a thick carpet and some rolls of wallpaper; a half empty can of white paint next to a full blue one. A large curtain-less window in the far wall letting in the soft moonlight.

It moved her towards the door, but she was jolted back by the handcuff that fastened her right arm to the thick metal bar on the wall. The handcuff wouldn't allow her body more than a few feet away from the wall, stopping her over a metre's reach from the slightly ajar door.

It grunted through her voice box as it tested the strength of the cuffs and the wall mounting. Turning back to scan the room it could not see the key to the handcuffs.

"Where are they?" It whispered harshly.

Somewhere you'll never find them, she told it.

It suddenly heaved her arm away from the wall with rage, making her wish it took the sense of pain away as well as control of her body, as the handcuff dug into her wrist. She had wrapped bandages around it earlier to try and prevent as much pain as possible, but there was little room between her wrist and the inside of the cuff, leaving space for only a couple of layers.

"How dare you try to outwit me?" It said through her. "Looks like I'll have to teach you some discipline." He clasped her free hand around her wrist, squeezing tightly between her hand and the metal cuff. "You'll regret this more than anything you've ever done." He leaned her back, holding both hands close to the wall. "Rule number one: I'm in charge, and I'm staying in charge. Don't do anything to try and change that."

Oh, shit - damn it, why did I think I could do this? She thought.

"You've got to learn to get used to your new life. When that time comes you'll be ready to join with me. You'll thank me for showing you the way to immortality. The easy way to eternal life. But first you must learn that I am your master and you are my slave."

He thrust her cuffed arm forward, putting her whole body weight into it. If she could scream she thought her voice box would explode. He pulled back her arm and threw it forward again and again, smashing the bones in her arm into pieces, digging through her flesh and snapping tendons. Blood was flying everywhere, splattering the walls and the floor, even the ceiling. If she could only scream. Anything to remove the pain that was erupting through her arm. Her head was pounding with pain, sweat bleeding from her skin, tears flooding her vision. But still he did not let in, now smashing her clenched fist against the solid concrete wall, then shattering her arm across the metal bar, over and over. Then he took the thumb of her mashed up cuffed hand in her free one and heaved it out of its socket, immediately bending it right back so the thumbnail met the back of her arm, sending pain all the way up her arm and into her spine. The pain was so intense a small scream broke through his control. But it wasn't over yet. Still holding onto her thumb he then pulled out each of the other fingers in turn, bending each one back just like with the thumb.

And then it was gone, back into the recesses of her mind, leaving her desperately trying to scream through her burning throat as she coughed up the contents of her stomach. She could hardly breath - she couldn't breath. She was uncontrollably trying to vomit even though there was nothing left to bring up, except blood. She fell to the floor, close to death. Then it spoke to her.

Any normal mortal would be dead in seven seconds. But you have tasted my immortal thirst. You have just under seven minutes to quench your own.

A sudden wave of energy washed through her, soothing out the pain. She looked down at her tattered arm, still spewing blood, flooding across the floor. But she did not feel sick; not even the slightest hint of panic. Her mind was totally focused now. Focused on blood.

Now get up, find something to use as a tourniquet. You'll keep bleeding until the thirst is quenched, or you die.

She hesitated for a moment, wondering why she wasn't appalled by the never-ending flow of blood that was spreading across the whole room. But the desire was so strong. It was like having a crowd of fans cheering you on to score that goal, but ten times greater. She had to have blood.

She started to get up, but felt the hand cuff on her mangled-up wrist. She sat back down again and called out, surprised to find her voice so strong.

"Lucky! Lucky, come here girl!"

After a few seconds the door slowly swung open, the small terrier appearing wide-awake in the doorway. When it saw the blood, now almost covering the entire floor, it seemed quite worried and backed off a step, whining.

"It's okay, girl, it won't hurt you," she said reassuringly, not a tremor in her voice, "Now get the ball, Lucky. Geddit, Lucky. Go on," she gestured with her good arm, "Geddit, girl."

The dog reluctantly ran off, looking back a couple of times before going. When she appeared at the door again she had a red plastic ball in her mouth, but she wouldn't walk in the blood, which was now flowing out through the doorway.

"Roll it, Lucky," she commanded the dog, showing her what she meant with her head.

The dog put the ball down on the floor, stepped back and knocked it forward with her head, sending it rolling through the blood toward the centre of the room. It stopped a few feet away from the end of the girl's legs.

She pushed herself away from the wall, stretching her leg out to try and hook the ball with her foot, but it was too far away. She pushed herself farther away, stretching herself out as far as the hand cuff would allow, just managing to reach the ball with the back of her foot, rolling it back towards her. When the ball was close enough she sat back up and grabbed it in her good hand, turning it over franticly trying to find the slit she had made in it earlier.

Hurry! You have only five and a half minutes left! Either you get fresh blood soon, or you die.

For some reason her eye twitched. She thought it must be the pain affecting her; even though she couldn't consciously feel it, her body could. When she found the slit she used her teeth to help tear the ball further open. A bunched up ball of tissues dropped out into the blood, still streaming out of her arm; the edges of the puddle were soaking into the carpet, but closer to her it was more like a pool.

She picked up the tissues and tore then open to find the key she had hidden there earlier. She used the key in the hand cuff to free her arm, dropped it back in the blood and ran for the door. Lucky was barking in half excitement, half confusion, tail wagging furiously.

The girl ran through the lounge into the kitchen, trailing blood from her arm as it swung about crazily. She couldn't feel anything in it, but she couldn't move it either.

She looked about the kitchen desperately, looking for anything she could use as a tourniquet. On the microwave she saw a ball of string, which she unwound whilst looking for something to hold it with. She spotted the door-stopper lying on the floor and used it to twist up the rest of the string tied tightly around her arm.

Now go and find someone, quickly, it said to her. Wear the long coat to cover the blood on your clothes.

She ran back through the lounge to the hall and shoved on her coat and shoes, Lucky still barking franticly. She had to feed her battered arm through the sleeve with her good one. Then she opened the front door slightly and peered down the hall outside to check the coast was clear. Satisfied that it was she stepped outside and shut the door behind her, making sure the dog stayed inside.

She hurried on down the hall and paused at her neighbour's door, briefly wondering-

No. No-one that you know. No-one connected to you. Find someone outside

She ran out of the building into the night and started down the street, but stopped after just a few steps. "Where the hell am I supposed to go?" She asked it. "You usually make me take the car, drive for hours to some goddamn house in the middle of nowhere. I've got minutes, for godsakes!"

You've got four and a half minutes. I do not know where to go around here. Just run, and think.

"Oh, hell..." She cursed, running on down the dark empty street. "This is stupid! I'm gonna get caught and sentenced to life imprisonment. There's nowhere I can go!"

Just keep running, it said. Are there many homeless people around here?

"Yes, but they're always in groups," she replied, the strange but powerful urge to drink blood fuelling her as she continued to run toward the edge of the town, certain that someone would see her and think she was acting suspiciously. She was acting suspiciously.

Stop! It said suddenly. One watches you. It paused for a moment, then spoke again. The bungalow surrounded by a hedge. Go to him. Tell him there's been an accident. Get inside his house. You're the only one involved. There's no-one else for him to go out to.

She ran towards the gate in the hedge, looking past it to the man peering out the window of the loft extension. She opened the gate and ran to the door of the bungalow, ringing the bell repeatedly. She heard the man call out that he'd be there in a second, but kept on ringing until the door was opened.

The door stayed open just a fraction, as far as the chain on the inside would allow. Through the gap appeared the worried face of a fairly attractive man in his early twenties. She noticed he was wearing casual day clothes; quite surprising, since it was three in the morning.

"Jeez, what happened to you?" He said, opening the door fully, "You've got blood all over your face. Come inside."

"Thanks," she answered, feigning a near-dead stumble through the doorway and into his arms. "I'm sorry," she said in a mock weak voice, pulling herself up as the man shut the door.

"Hey, don't worry," he said, "come on into the living room, we'll get you cleaned up." He helped her through to the large living room, turning up the light with the dimmer switch, and turning down the volume of the television. She recognised the film that was playing as being The Pink Panther, or maybe a sequel. She noticed a small fly crawling across the screen before it flew off around the room somewhere.

"Thanks, you're being so kind," she said as he cleared the sofa of various magazines so she could sit down.

"Nonsense, anyone else would do the same, I'm hardly the good Samaritan," he laid out the cushions so that she could lie back comfortably, "Should I call for an ambulance, the police?"

"No." She replied, too suddenly, "No, I'll be okay, just a few scratches. Looks worse than it is probably."

"What happened?" He asked, standing back to survey her injuries, "Were you mugged?"

"No, no, nothing like that. Car crash."

"Where abouts? Is there anyone else involved?"

"Erm...'bout quarter of mile up the road. Crashed into a lamp post. Fell asleep while I was driving. Next thing I know, well...I can't remember what happened after that. Next thing I know I'm running up the street," she glanced at the closed curtains, wondering if anyone else lived there. But surely he'd have called them by now. Then again they might be asleep. He wouldn't want to wake them. "I was trying to find a phone box," she continued, "then I saw your light on. I didn't want to wake anyone, but you were already awake, so I ran over."

"I see," said the man, "well, I'll just get some stuff from the kitchen to patch you up. After that, we'd better get your car sorted out."

The man walked out the door behind her, leaving her alone in the living room. She couldn't believe how easy it was to make up all those lies, right there on the spot. It's amazing what you can come up with in desperate situations.

The man came back into the room with a first aid kit in one hand, a bowl of water in the other, and a towel over his shoulder.

Time's running out! It said from deep within her head, There's only one minute left! Kill him now! If you don't...we'll both be dead.

Oh shit, no, she thought, what am supposed to do? "What the hell am I supposed to do?!" She shouted desperately, beginning to lose control.

"Excuse me?" Asked the man, completely lost by what she was saying, "are you alright?"

"Damn it, help me!" She shrieked, leaping up and grabbing his arms. "You've got to help me! Please! Stop it, please!"

"Hey, calm down! What're you talking about?"

"Something's possessed me! Some goddamn vampire! It's in my head now! Geddit out, please!"

"Shit, calm down, for heaven's sake! You're hallucinating, it's only in your imagination. It's not real.

She was in such a state she started to believe him. She let him sit her back down on the sofa and start to comfort her with his arms.

"It kept coming every night," she cried, "taking over my body, but I could still feel it. It made me go out and kill people. It killed a baby for godsake."

"It's okay," the man started, but she couldn't hear what else he said, the monster inside her was speaking to her again. Louder than ever before.

Thirty seconds. I can't use you this time, you have to do it yourself. I can only help to fuel your thirst.

"Damn you, get out of me..." she said grimly, "Damn you..." she could feel the urge for blood returning, growing, "Damn you!" It was laughing in her head, driving her insane. Adding to the frenzy that was taking her over. Adding to the rage.

I was damned years ago. Today it's your turn. Now do it. Do it NOW!

The irresistible hunger was immense, she had no chance of escaping it. Not a chance in hell. It took her completely. She heaved herself up, throwing him onto the floor with supernatural strength, his back smashing against the glass coffee table, shattering it across the floor.

"Whoa, shit!" Yelled the man in disbelief, "what the hell-"

Before he could finish she pounced, pinning him down on the shards of broken glass that lay scattered across the carpet.

"To hell with it," she said, picking up a shard of glass in her good hand, blood dripping down from where it cut her. "If this is damnation..." she thrust the dagger-like edge of the shard into the shocked and terrified man's throat, "let me be damned."

Blood pumped from the wide-eyed man's punctured jugular. He wasn't screaming or struggling. In fact he didn't seem in any pain at all, just panic. He was choking as the blood went down his throat, coughing blood up through his mouth. His expression turned to confusion as he looked over her left shoulder, and then her right. Through the spluttered coughing he managed to ask, "wh...who the...what the hell?"

She suddenly had a sensation that someone was behind her, watching her, and briefly glanced back to check. She couldn't see anyone and turned back to her victim. Her first ever kill.

Quickly, before he dies, it prompted her.

As the man lay there on the brink of death, choking, desperately coughing up blood to stop himself suffocating, the girl bent down over him, moving her mouth closer to his throat, blood still pumping out, she caressed the wound with her tongue, tasting the warm crimson liquid, tasting the power, tasting immortal life. She seized it, sharply digging her teeth into the flesh around the incision, draining his body as she sucked hard, unable to quench the eternal thirst. The whole room was spinning around her, the galaxy was spinning around her. She was the biggest thing in the universe. She could feel the immense power she had now. She could destroy the world.

But then she felt something grab her shoulders, something cold, something bitter and weakening. It was like she'd just been thrown into the most freezing sea, gripping her completely, stiffening her body. Whatever it was, threw her back across the room, over the sofa to crash into the wall behind, her back and head smashing as they hit, knocking her unconscious. Thrusting her into the depths of the biting arctic ocean. Making her gasp incredibly, drawing the chilling water into her lungs. Forcing her eyes open, making them freeze solid. The pain was beyond any human's limits. It more than killed her. She was much more than dead.

And yet, she was still alive. Frozen in the state between life and death. She was both alive and dead. Sinking ever downward in the ice cold water that surrounded her. But at the bottom she knew there was fire.

She suddenly realised she was surrounded by many others. Thousands of frozen souls, all looking at her with great sadness in their eyes. One of them she somehow recognised.

"Welcome to damnation," he said, not with his mouth as that was frozen, but somehow she couldn't explain.

"Am I dead?" She asked him, still aware of every last soul's eyes focused on her.

"Yes," it told her, "but you are still also alive. You will be here in life and death for eternity. You will soon return to the world from which you came, but your soul will remain here for ever. You will have to keep killing, drinking their blood, to stop yourself from falling into the fires of hell. But during the day your consciousness will return here to your soul. If you lose your body, you will have to use another's. Just as I used yours. You will never forgive me," her attention was drawn to a female sinking near to him, "I will never forgive her," then another woman, close to the first, "she will never forgive her," then a male behind the woman, "she will never forgive him." Her attention was brought back to the one who had taken and used herself. "We are all linked in this way. We do not have the gift of forgiveness. We have eternal life, and eternal death. We are the damned."