THE CONFERENCE Time for a new section in RIPMAG, a kind of get together with a few friends, just to have a general natter over the modem lines, as you would in a pub, so here is this issues conference, to be featured each issue, the people in the conference are: Dan Wood on a CD³² with an SX-32 with a 68030, and a hard disk etc. linked to the phone line to do this. Arnie Finen using an A4000/060T (always makes me type it EXACTLY like that ya know). At work, doing bugger all. Debbie (Dan's little sister) at his parents place ('cos she lives there) Using Dan's old A500, which is still in the spare room, and she's bored, so we let her on. Nicky Anderson (me!) on an A1200 at his little dingy flat, hehe. And eating pork chops... or something. Bendy Wendy will be on about half way through, she's here next ish as well. Anndd finally (it has happened to me, right in front of my face..ahem!) Sleazy Steve all those many miles up there (not there! eeh) on an Amiga Technology A1200, which would be an Amiga International A1200 had he just bought it, but he didn't, so there. Right, on with the show! \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// DAN: Right! Today's milk-shake flavour is "Kite" as in high as! ++++++++++++++RIPMAG++++++++++++++ ARNIE: Hi Danny boy DAN: Hi Arnie man, others all say hello now! NICK: Hello STEVE: hello DEB: hello now DAN: how funny. Right, well, back here again huh? Long time no speak folks. NICK: Yeah, sad news about Princess Diana huh? DAN: Yeah. ARNIE: Oh please don't start, yeh it was a tragedy, but I'm BORED TO TEARS OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAN: Um.. ok. NICK: But about that, one thing I did notice was all those people who slagged her off last week before she died, this week are all saying "ooh, she was a wonderful woman!". DAN: Yeah, well when some one dies, you always look back on the good things they did don't you? Like you go to a funeral for example, and you read a speach, if you didn't think much of that person, you don't stand up and say "ok people, well what can I say? He was a bit of a tosser wasn't he?!", no, you show a bit of compassion and respect. ARNIE: But heard what Kernal Gadafee (or how ever you spell that dick head's name), he reckoned that MI5 did it, and it was an inside job! That the royal family couldn't bear her marrying an arab! DAN: Hehe, well that's just him 'aint it. NICK: Died young though DAN: Well that seems to be always the case with the BIG stars doesn't it? Diana, Elvis, John Lennon, Buddy Holly etc. An uncanny pattern actually. ARNIE: Yeh actually it is. NICK: How did you hear about it Dan? DAN: Last Saturday night i came in about 11:30 PM, after being at a friends house, and I came in, and was a bit bored actually, so I put the computer on and went on the Web for a bit, and for the first time since about last November I went on an internet chat page! ARNIE: Sad git, haa haa! DAN: Aww shucks. But I'd forgotten how funny they can be actually, any way, I put the TV on with the sound down in the corner, and noticed that there was a bit logo in the bottom corner "BREAKING NEWS", this was about 1AM, and I turned the volume up, and heard that she'd been in a car accident, and then I turned it down again thinking, "Making a bit of a fuss aren't they? Big deal she'll probably have scraped her arm or something". So I got back to the chat thing, and then decided to get some stuff from the Aminet, and while I was downloading a big 1M file I put the volume back up and heard that Dodi was dead, and I remember thinking "wow, seems more serious that i thought, Diana is gonna be heart broken when she gets better". Then "Murder She Wrote" came on, and I've always liked that show (yeah Arnie I am a sad git! :) so I sat down and watched that, and it was stopped half way through (wonder if her book got made into a film?..hmmn) and then they were showing more pictures of the car (for the 10,000th time) and I was switching for Channel3-North-east to BBC1 every now and then to see what was happening on each one. And then I switched to CNN for a bit, then back to BBC1 and then the guy just paused for a second and said "we are now receiving un-confirmed reports that priness Diana has died, please remember as yet these are UN-CONFIRMED reports", and I thought "WHAT?! HER?!" so I went back to C3 and a minute later they also announced it, and that royal reporter they had on talked about it, they received more reports from about 3 places saying the same stuff, and then the guy said "well it is looking more and more likely", and then I thought"man, she really is dead". That's how. Quite shocking. NICK: Yep. I heard when I got up about 10 AM. But you followed it all through as it happened? DAN: Yes, the sad thing is I knew before her kids did. ARNIE: Her Maj didn't say nothing did she? DAN: The Queen? No, that's because you know what the crappy papers are like they would have twisted what she said and called her a hypocrite wouldn't they? ARNIE: I guess DAN: So her advisors will have advised her to be quiet about it. ARNIE: Wonder what that news was Diana had? She said about a week before she died that she had some news that would change the whole world. Guess we'll never know now! DAN: No, she took that to her grave, maybe something about the mines. ARNIE: Hmmn. NICK: The thing that sickens me is the reports that the photographers that were chasing them, when they crashed, they fought over who was going to take the photo of Diana lying there in the back of the car. DAN: Yeah, well we've heard reports that said these pictures are flying around. But no paper would dare buy them if they are there. But it is a really sad thing, for the past 16 years she was constantly photographed, EVERYWHERE she went, and probably her last conscious memory was of a camera flash. NICK: Yes very sad. ARNIE: But the way the country is reacting is unbelievable! DAN: Well yeah, as if people knew her personally, people have been breaking down in tears, there's help lines set up, people who are distraught and can't continue their lifes, it is ironic how people are reacting. ARNIE: But she was everywhere, this beutiful woman married to the future king etc. DAN: I know, but she was glamarous, but she wasn't that attractive, about average looking I'd say. But yeah stand her next to Charles, who, to be fair is a bit of a dog's bum in the looks department, I'm sure he's a really nice man, but he's no looker. Like stand Nick next to The Hunch-Back from Notrodame and, well.... old Quazzers looks like Keuau Reeves :) NICK: HEY! ARNIE: Haaaa DAN: Sorry Nicky :) I've just heard that the Queen is actually doing a public speech on Friday ARNIE: Oh right, on tv? DAN: Yeah I think so. ARNIE: I saw prince William on the TV today looking at the messages, and his little brother started crying, I felt so sorry for them though DAN: Yeah, it's tough. ARNIE: Dan, you honouring the one minute silence on Saturday? DAN: Yeah, you know why? ARNIE: Why? DAN: I'll be asleep :) ARNIE: ahh. DAN: But any way, moving onto other issues! ARNIE: Yeh something I wanted to ask you, this paedophile registar that they were thinking of, what do you reckon? Should they put their names in the papers etc. DAN: No. ARNIE: oh, alright, any explination? DAN: Ok, the only reason there would be any need to put their names and addresses in the paper would be if they still pose a threat to children ok? And if they still pose a threat, then they shouldn't be released, simple as that. Plus, you know what would happen if they did publish names and addresses, that person's life would be hell, they'd have their windows put through etc, and that would make them so much more bitter, that they wouldn't give a shit, they have no hope of getting back to a normal life, so what's to stop them going out and doing it again? They're been treated as if they are any way. ARNIE: OK dan. STEVE: just the usual team here today then? DAN: Yes, all the 'extras' who crop up now and then, are not here. So it's wonderful 'aint it? STEVE: Yes, miss natalie though, but hello debbie DEB: hey steve DAN: Gotta say thanks to Greg in Liverpool who e-mailed me, it was wonderful, would have even better if I had a clue what the hell you were talking about. ARNIE: haaaa DAN: And who else, um, yeah, Paul, Angie, Richard, Karl, Gary, KV EVIL BASTARD (?!?!), Bobby, Jerry, Wayne, Simon, Mike, James, Ian, Martyn and every one who emailed us with nice comments about the disk. Thanks people we appreciate it. NICK: We do? DAN: Hehe, yes we do! NICK: Ok DAN: Nicky boy is taking over next disk again aren't you, while I jet set off to the USA in November? NICK: Yes, my second time doing this, I'm gonna be the main man DAN: Yes and for that very reason, Deb's not gonna be here :) DEB: no thats not why DAN: Hehe NICK: I know, I've got some other people lined to to replace you DAN: Wow, you work fast man. NICK: Never had any complaints! DAN: I bet, speed is of the essence huh? NICK: Yeppers DAN: Yeppers... hehe, what a dill weed NICK: Thanks DAN: What is a dill weed any way? Beavis and Butthead say that all the time. NICK: I can use my imagination DAN: Erm..... yeah... urgh! NICK: Dan when's Daft Punk's next single out? DAN: Very soon, it's from their album. NICK: Right. DAN: You like Daft Punk don't ya? NICK: Love em ARNIE: Me to DAN: Agree, they're cool. They kicked ass at V97 NICK: They did I know. ARNIE: You and Nick go I persume? DAN: Yeah we did, to both days. ARNIE: Get a tent huh? DAN: Hehe, maybe.... ARNIE: Haaaa STEVE: You didn't DAN: SO?! Big deal we camped out. ARNIE: Did yaz have a little canoodle? DAN: Hahah, I DON'T THINK SO! I'd rather french kiss a skunk! NICK: I'd rather french kiss a skunks arse! ARNIE: OK just checking DAN: Cheeky OLD fart. ++++++++++++++RIPMAG++++++++++++++ ot that old!! DAN: Hehe, but still old enough to tell me to F' off? ARNIE: Sorry luv DAN: Arnie, people will talk. NICK: Now who looks like the suspicious one? DAN: hmmnnnnn..... ARNIE: Hang on Dan, you're going away AGAIN?!!!!!!!!!?!?!??!!!!!! DAN: Yeah ARNIE: How many holidays is that this year!!!! DAN: Haha, will be 4! I go to Ibiza the day after tommorow ARNIE: Ahhh!! DAN: But that's for free. ARNIE: Kiss in Ibiza? DAN: Give it a free plug why don't ya? Yeah should be good. STEVE: How you going for free? DAN: A good friend of mine works for one of the Kiss stations, and I'm going with him. STEVE: Which kiss station? DAN: 102 in Manchester STEVE: Is he a presenter there? DAN: Could be... STEVE: Right, who? DAN: Not saying. STEVE: Damn, so if I tell him I know you maybe I could go next year? DAN: Don't hold your breath, actually.. do hold your breath, that'd be quite amusing. STEVE: Ok here goes..... ARNIE: Speaking of such things, Dan you playing out at any more clubs soon? You haven't gotten me in on a freebie for ages! DAN: Man, all these people use me for is freebies, it's sickening! ARNIE: hhaa, answer the question DAN: none planned, I'm not a big club person. I've done it in the past at a few, but none planned for the future as yet, but probably will end up doing some over the winter. AR++++++++++++++RIPMAG++++++++++++++ DAN: Yes I was going to, but they couldn't afford me ARNIE: Oooh pricey are we? DAN: Certainly darling :) hehe. ARNIE: Excellentaa! DAN: I'm knackered, I've done nothing but sleep this week. NICK: Who with? DAN: Just me, but I haven't even been up 12 hours yet, 11 hours and 34 mins in fact, and I'm almost falling asleep on the keyboard. NICK: Just a lazy sod arent you DAN: Yes NICK: Damn screen has funny lines on it DAN: Hit it NICK: That your professional advice? DAN: Yep, if in doubt, give it a clout! :) NICK: HEY!!!! IT WORKED!!! DAN: See. NICK: Wow! How much do I owe you for that? DAN: 18 million pounds. NICK: Hey you nearly charge as much a++++++++++++++RIPMAG++++++++++++++ AN: DAN: Hehe, don't say that! Any way slave boy, you got our web site running yet? NICK: Not quite, it's getting there DAN: Well hurry up, I'm giving the address of it out to people and in here, and it's not working yet, you're the lazy sod! NICK: I'll endevor to get it done as soon as I can DAN: Be arsed... NICK: No I'll work on it tommorow then, hows that. DAN: You better. NICK: I will, quit bugging DAN: Right, but get it done. ARNIE: What you doing Friday dan? DAN: Bugger all, and Saturday as well, having nice quiet nights in front of the TV ARNIE: Come to Gatecrasher with us lot DAN: Who's going? (private business on here again, sorry people!) ARNIE: Karen, David, Andrew, Dicky, Kelly, Sarah, and the usual team DAN: Hehe, no thanks. ARNIE: Fine be a boring git DAN: I will thanks! Is rain coat woman going? ARNIE: Haaa yeh she is DAN: Then I'm definately not ARNIE: She's alright DAN: To you maybe, hehe, she *hates* me. ARNIE: Its nothing personal dan, we all hate you :-) DAN: Oh there's a point... :) I'm still not coming though ARNIE: OK, and your not going to the club either? DAN: Oh hardy harr ARNIE: Hard what? DAN: Matron! By the way, if there was one thing I could change about me it'd be my f'ing teeth! Arghh! That bastard filling has come out AGAIN!! ARNIE: Haaa how many times now? DAN: 4!! ARNIE: Ouch NICK: See Amiga Computing went down huh? DAN: Yeah, down to only two Amiga mags now, getting worrying! NICK: I've gotta think me up an alias DAN: Uh huh. Ok, why do you want one? NICK: 'Cos every one else seems to have one! DAN: I do when I'm "playing out" sometimes, I have a 'stage' name, but in every day life unless you have a name like "Herbert Albertson" (hehe) or something then no need to change it, my name's alright. ARNIE: Yeh, I use this name for publicity and when I do videos, and TV production. DAN: Yeah, you don't give your real name on credits and on here do you? ARNIE: No, so then I know what its connected with, if some one asks or writes to "Arnie Finen" then I know its business related, if its my real name then its a personal matter, DAN: Yup Ok, whats it worth not to give your real name out ARNIE: A punch in the face DAN: Hehe, ok. ARNIE: You know I've got a degree right? DAN: Yes, stop bragging :) ARNIE: I wish I'd done computers DAN: Do ya? ARNIE: Yeh, like i've been using them since I was about 8, and like, devoted like my life to them, and I've got no proof on paper that I have done this, like the longest course ever in computers! 16 year course!! DAN: Hehe, yeah, long one. ARNIE: So's the course! DAN: Smutty beast, hey you know who's b/day it is soon dontcha! NICK: Me perhaps? DAN: Yep, that time of year again, we've got something evil planned this year. NICK: Ohh not again!!!! ARNIE: Haaa we have, a REAL cracker mate! NICK: Dan I let you off last year, this December you get twice what I get DAN: Hehe, I'm trembling! October 14th readers, send Nick a card! NICK: DAN DAN DAN is RIP-Groove coming back out? DAN: The mix from "Tuff-Jams" is being released as a single along with some additional mixes yeah. NICK: Cool. STEVE: YEAH! I'd been meaning to tell you this, you want to know who I think looks just like a younger version of debbie? DEB: of me? STEVE: yea DAN: Who? STEVE: I dunno what the shows called but its a kids tv show with a girl who has magic powers and can shrink into things and stuff and she usually has a cap on. DEB: ha ha ive seen that Alex something STEVE: Yes thats her name DEB: like me? STEVE: Yeah i reckon you looked just like her a couple of years ago DAN: I've never seen it DEB: i guess maybe a bit STEVE: spitting image Debbie! DEB: okay what ever you say STEVE: heh heh she does look like you a few years ago. DEB: okay then STEVE: Dan which country has the ugliest women on Earth? DAN: Australia STEVE: he heh do they? DAN: Oh yeah, I've never seen a good looking Australian girl, and I've seen quite a few STEVE: Well on Prisoner there all mooses and in neighbours they are all pretty bland, apart from that Sarah but shes from England, and on Home and Away I reckon Shannon was the only nice one. DAN: Hey she's from England as well STEVE: Really? DAN: Really. STEVE: Alright then Auzzie is full of mooses! DAN: Well said. STEVE: Wierd though, i'm not gay or nowt but the boys over there are alright DAN: :) Ok, "I'm not gay honest!" STEVE: I'm not!! DAN: Hmnnnnnnnnnnnn..... are you sure? STEVE: Sure! I think Debs the sexiest cutest girl EVER!!! DAN: Hehe, ok I was only teasing. DEB: thats so nice DAN: Yeah, flattery will get him everywhere right? DEB: maybe STEVE: Everywhere!!?? DEB: lol DAN: Sod off with those crappy acronyms!!! DEB: Sorry! DAN: So you should be! DEB: i'm not really DAN: Don't push it Barbie! :) D DAN: Ahh! ++++++++++++++RIPMAG++++++++++++++ DAN: haha, telling me to fornicate off, indeed! DEB: well dont call me barbie DAN: Hehe, ok..sorry....Sindy ++++++++++++++RIPMAG++++++++++++++ DAN: Ahh! Ok both stop! NICK: Isn't the Barbie song crap? DAN: Hehe, certainly is ARNIE: Barbie has released a song? NICK: Yes Dans got it on CD, whens it out? DAN: October 13th ARNIE: Whats it like? DAN: Kind of a euro-pop/dance tune, it's funny though, but ahem, it's starting to grow on me, it's quite catchy "I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie wooorrlldd" NICK: Plastic fantastic huh? DAN: Matron! :) NICK: You like it?! DAN: Erm.... NICK: Ha ha!!! Arnie you were right, his taste in music is crap! Ha ha ha ha! DAN: Fat git. NICK: Ha okay don't get offensive DAN: You meanie :) NICK: "Kiss 102 record break!" DAN: Yeah, thanks. NICK: Who owns them any way? DAN: Faze FM/Faze Two, they just licence the Kiss logo, but enough of such boring anoracky stuff! NICK: But first: www.compura.com/nick-abbot DAN: Oh man, quit giving that man plugs on this disk!!!! NICK: Hes cool DAN: Hehe, yeah right. NICK: You don't like Nick Abbot? DAN: I've heard him a few times, he's alright, but you listen religiously NICK: Yep everynight on Virgin and now I stay in Saturdays b/cause hes on Talk Radio until 10 PM DAN: Well...what ever you like! You're becoming worrying. NICK: No just sad DAN: Hehe, ok. Arnie put your trousers back on!! ARINE: hhaaa oh sorry. STEVE: eh? DAN: Hey Channel 5 interferes with some of my CD³²s ya know. STEVE: You use a TV with em? DAN: Some of them, of course, can't afford 6 monitors! NICK: You've never told us what on earth possesed you to get 6 cd32s!! DAN: Well I've had this one, the upgraded one, since last summer, and I got another two when my audio CD players went down, so I had three, and as audio players they're damn good, and cheap, I could get them for £45! So I was going to buy another two to use when I'm travelling about, just to carry to places where I might need them, like radio 'editing' studios, you'd be amazed how many don't even have a CD player in them, so you've gotta bring your own stuff with ya, so I was bought two more, and he had one left in stock so let me have it for free, 'cos it had faults, the lid hinge was faulty so the lid didn't stay open, the back had a crack in it, and it was a bit scratched, so I felt sorry for it :) Hehe, so I took that as well, and thats why I have 6 of 'em alright? NICK: Okay ARNIE: Noticed all these old artists are making small comebacks? DAN: Like who? ARNIE: Crystal Waters did a song last year, C C Penniston did a song recently, and so did Yazz DAN: Yeah, and it's Ce Ce Peniston by the way ARNIE: Haa not double N? DAN: No ARNIE: So she has a name with the male bouncy bit in it? DAN: Haha, yeah. ARNIE: Swearing, three classes of swearing, Class 1 - Non offensive (say it to your parents), Class 2 - A bit more offensive, Class 3 - Very offensive, what goes where? DAN: Hmmnn, ok class 1. Umm, arse, bloody, STEVE: bollocks DAN: crap, dick, tit, bugger, bitch... erm.... ARNIE: ok what about class 2? DAN: Shit NICK: Bastard ARNIE: That all? DAN: All I can think of ARNIE: Alright, class 3 NICK: He can I say, twat DAN: Ahh! I'd rather you didn't! S++++++++++++++RIPMAG++++++++++++++ DAN: Yeah that's class 3, the F word, and the C word. Wierd though, you noticed words like the word Nicky said the T word (don't repeat it!) and the words steve said, the C word, are all refferring to the female, erm.. anatomy and are considered MAJORLY offensive, but words like, dick and bollocks are totally un-offensive and accepted in every day conversation, and you can call some one a tit head, no one gives a damn, so wierd huh? And most swear words are about sex or bodily parts, so an activity or bodily parts, but if I call Arnie an F'ing C*** (which I often do :) it's really offensive, the worst right. But if I call you a running finger-nail then it's the same type of meaning, but laughably tame. ARNIE: Heard what Ulrika Johnnson said? DAN: She goes out with her boyfriend 'cos he has a big one? ARNIE: Yeh DAN: Ok, what ever turns her on. But you've gotta congratulate Ulrika, at least she's honest! ARNIE: Well yeh too many women are these days! I liked the old way better "I like him because hes intelligent" haaa DAN: Yeah. ARNIE: Any way hows the car? DAN: Ok ARNIE: Just making sure, i had to pay for mine, wish my company gave me a car! DAN: Oh you have to kiss arse :) ARNIE: Well you're coming to work with me soon aren't you, so you can give me some pointers DAN: Yeah, point this!.... does that work? ARNIE: No, accents, whats your worst one? DAN: Erm... Birmingham, you have to be thick to be from Birmingham, hehe, OOOHHH! ;P STEVE: Better go into hiding Dan-o DAN: Don't call me Dan-o only one person can call me Dan-o STEVE: Her eh? DAN: Yeah. ARNIE: Do you think you can tell class from an accent? DAN: Maybe thats part of it. ARNIE: But accents change, like the way you say things, I say CLASS as you spell it, where as you say cl-arse don't ya? DAN: hah, ARSE yeah, so sue me! ARNIE: Not complaining, just saying. DEB: I say class like arnie NICK: Me to STEVE: and me DAN: I feel all left out now ARNIE: Nah just you, you posh twat DAN: Hey! Don't say the T word! Yeah, I'm so posh, haha, are we talking about the same person?!! ARNIE: Dan i was doing you favours trying to boost your level in society, get you some more birds DAN: Birds? That's disgusting! What like pigeons, and sea-gulls? ARNIE: Alright, women then DAN: Oh, no thanks ARNIE: Got enough eh you smarmy git? DAN: Enough? Oh yeah, millions, hehe, I dunno, there are some poor misguided females out there who seem to like me, but hardly as many as you'd like to make out me thinks. ARNIE: Well you got 27 valentines cards, that says a lot man! DAN: Right, let me FINALLY settle this, haha, 5 of them were from the same girl! 6 of them were from MALES hahaha (I'm REALLY hoping they were a joke, but who'd sign a card "lover boy" hehe), about 7 were my stupid sisters friends who she will have told to do that (I'm 99% sure of that), so whats that. 5+6 = 11, + 7 = 18, right, 27 cards, 9 left, 2 were anonymous, 2 were from people who have never met me, 1 was from "her" who sends them to EVERY ONE like Xmas cards, so that REALLY means I got 4 valetines cards!!! ARNIE: Haaa wow your unpopular! DAN: Tell me about it, people hate me! ARNIE: Well we can quit with the Mr Teesside nick name then DAN: Certainly can, take it and shove it up your ARNIE: Insert? DAN: Ahem. ARNIE: Alright I've been looking at past conferences and we paint a DAMN fine picture of you in the past, what about the money? DAN: Hehe, alright, the car (BMW :) is a COMPANY car like you said, I didn't buy it, I do get a good wage, not gonna deny that, but I work in like FOUR industries, radio, video production (same as you isn't it fun?), computers, and telecommunications, and I have done production and P.R so it's a lot to do man! Even if they aren't all at once. They only come around a few times a month, usually different things each week, and that includes over-nights and week ends. But I'm coming to work with you for a month soon, which will be...interesting ARNIE: I'm getting more wages than you now, so I'm the rich bastard! haaaa DAN: Been promoted haven't you, lucky sod. ARNIE: Yes, £770 a week suits me nicely DAN: Eeeh, makes ya sick :) Alright. Want to swap jobs? ARNIE: No thanks ragger DAN: Haha, hey I've just had a new drive put on the front, cost me 3 grand. Sheesh, but it looks nice, so it's alright. ARNIE: Pocket change to me sweety DAN: Ahh shut up. Any way, Nick seriously how far EXACTLY have you got with our web site? NICK: Well the logo is on the title screen... DAN: Oh you sod, I'm gonna have to tell people now, all through this issue there are ads for the web site, but it probably won't be fully up and runing until our Xmas issue knowing Nicky boy. NICK: I'll get it done, promise, a bit bland to start with, but I'll EVENTUALLY get pictures and stuff on. DAN: Better get a good one of me NICK: I'll try. DAN: Any way, shut up, Wenders is coming on now NICK: Good DAN: Give me un seconda.... DAN: Right, WENDY: hello dan! DAN: Lovely, you work WENDY: certainly do! ARNIE: Hello you mound of blubber! WENDY: a++++++++++++++RIPMAG++++++++++++++ !!!!! DAN: Hahahaha, yeah Arnie, DO ONE! WENDY: i didnt know you could show a man with a hard on! DAN: wh, haha, what? ARNIE: Like you've ever seen one! WENDY: Of course, but in porno mags they can't show a mans willy with a hard on! DAN: Well they can't on TV, but in some mags they can now. But in the next few years I expect they'll ditch the rule any way, it's not considered offensive or particularly shocking these days. WENDY: Ye because it only really looks sexy hard DAN: Does it? WENDY: Well it can be nice looking er floppy DAN: Hahaha WENDY: but looks more sexy erect there i used scientific terms DAN: Ok, WENDY: But you get nice ones and ugly ones, i've seen some really horrible ones DAN: Reeaalllyy. WENDY: yes like one ball lower than the other and all wrinkled urgh DAN: Ok ok, haha, enough of your past experiences. WENDY: but have seen some nice firm smooth ones DAN: ENOUGH!! Geeze, you're gonna get us a bad reputation! ARNIE: Gonna have to wipe the seat shes on now! NICK: Oh man!! DAN: Hahahaha, I MISSED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I only just got what he meant, hahaha, you stupid idiot. ARNIE: Its ok! Rab C Nesbitt said that at 9:30 DAN: Hehe, sorry readers, he didn't mean it. ARNIE: I did. W++++++++++++++RIPMAG++++++++++++++ DAN: Ok. WENDY: Is a bit of a dirty sod isnt he DAN: Certainly is. DEB: i only just got that as well DAN: A bit slow you and me, argh, you don't want to hear that, cover your eyes. DEB: okay DAN: You to Steve and any under 18 year olds, this is virtually obscene. STEVE: Oh nor I love it! DAN: Yeah I bet. ARNIE: Speaking of which I know some one who models smimming trunks DAN: Right, do we want to hear this? ARNIE: No just saying he has to wear elastic bands DAN: ..... ha, elastic bands? ARNIE: Yeh to lift up and push out DAN: Oh I see, well I was right, we didn't want to hear that. STEVE: Dan ever seen debbie naked DAN: Hahaha DEB: oh steve you are sick DAN: That's disgusting, no way have I, and I don't want to either. Now subject change please, before we turn into a porno mag. ARNIE: haaa OK STEVE: Just checking. NICK: Dan, fave dance tune of the moment? DAN: Erm, Partay Feeling by B-Crew. The Colour Systems INC mix and More's vocal mix. ARNIE: I've got that on an album DAN: Access All Areas? ARNIE: 2 yeh DAN: Right. WENDY: Guess whos coming to see me tonight? ARNIE: Ra Ra Rasputin? WENDY: Yes DAN: Hehe, really?! Haven't seen him for AAAGGEESSS. WENDY: Come round DAN: I might, but I'm tired, I wanna go to bed. ARNIE: Who with? DAN: Who's offering, hehe ARNIE: Humm DAN: Hands up who wants to go to bed with me DAN:.... DAN: No thought not. Haha. DEB: i`ll give natalie a ring DAN: A wedding ring? You getting married? DEB: ha ha screw off DAN: Sheesh. Hey Debs, you looking forward to starting college then? DEB: not really DAN: Oh... enthusiasm all round then. DEB: i'm liking the holidays to much but college should be quite cool better than school any way DAN: Yeah it is, I spent a year at college, was alright. ARNIE: You going on to university? DEB: probably if i get in DAN: Yeah 'cos people don't know yet, she got good exam results ya see. Quite a few A*s. ARNIE: Ahh clever one huh? DAN: Well, dunno about that, fluke more like, hehe ARNIE: See who got the brains in your family DAN: Hey! Watch it! DEB: thanks arnie STEVE: I agree deb, smooch DEB: thanks DAN: Haha, arhghh, my head.. the desk.. *BANG* ARNIE: Dan likes Earth, Wind and Fire dont you DAN: Yeah they kick arse. "Booogiie wonderlaaaannddd". "Let's Groove" was cool as well. NICK: Dan does disco stuff now ya see. ARNIE: I see out of the more modern stuff are we? DAN: No, just mix disco and new stuff, it's cool. ARNIE: your fave song is coming back out dan. DAN: Teardrops 97? ARNIE: Yeh you got it? DAN: Certainly have, it's good. NICK: Who remixed "Lets all chant" for 1996? DAN: Gusto me thinks. NICK: Gusto? DAN: Yes, on Judge Jules label? NICK: Positiva? DAN: No his other one, Manifesto. NICK: His labels piss me off, the CD covers are all the same DAN: Yeah, I was saying that, when you've got like 30 CDs, and they all have the same inlay, it gets a bit of a pain in the buttocks. NICK: Any way your an old fart you have "Lets all chant" by bloody Michael Zager on vinyl still! DAN: So? NICK: The original as well DAN: Yep, a bit scratched though. NICK: Whats your favourite Shalamar song? DAN: Erm, "Night To Remember". NICK: Okay, D.I.S.C.O DAN: Hehe, been listening to that CD I lent ya? NICK: The best disco album in the world...ever? DAN: That's the one STEVE: Debs d.i.s.c.o DEB: what? DAN: Oh hang on, lemme remember (she's not by the way, she's a bitch :) DEB: fu DAN: Haha, just turned her off a second, these slow typers have to be quicker to out-smart me. D I S C O, erm... gotta get the tune into my head, "D I S C O.... dum dum dum.... D I S C O... D I S C O...dum dum.. D I S C O, she is DISCO! D I S C O, she is disco, etc... D I S C O.... she is D delirious, she is I incredible, she is S superficial, she is C, complicated (no way!), she is OOOOOOOOooohhhh.. STEVE: next bit DAN: "she is D, desireable, she is I, irrisistable, she is s, super sexy, she is C, such a cu*ey" haha, right. Can't say the C word on here STEVE: What CUTEY? DAN: ahh don't say that terrible word. It's banned from here, so quit it. STEVE: Soz DAN: So is "Soz", sod off. STEVE: So..rry. WENDY: Dan you can remember that song, your the old git! DAN: No my dear, it's musical knowledge. It was made in 1980, I was but a baby. DEB: i wasnt born! STEVE: I was only a few months old. DAN: Nobody cares, get on with it. STEVE: heh heh sorry ARNIE: Tell me more about the crappy Barbie song DAN: yeah I've got the damn thing, it kind of sucks, ARNIE: i wish, i'd buy two DAN: Dirty goose! NICK: why would you need two? ARNIE: Haaaaa well you never know. DAN: You do ARNIE: Do ya? DAN: If I say you do, you do! ARNIE: Sorry, what you say goes right DAN: And don't you forget it!! hehe. By the way Deb, have a guess who likes you? DAN: /\/\PRIVATE MESSAGE TO DEB/\/\ DEB: no way! really? DAN: Haha, yep DEB: wow DAN: Pleased? DEB: hes nice yes how do you know? DAN: He told me! DEB: oh no DAN: Hehe, well I've told you, I said I wouldn't. But 'nuff said. DEB: i know who likes you DAN: Hehe, who? DEB: Claire DAN: Claire? Who's she? DEB: Er, long hair, big boobs DAN: Hahah, oh god, can't say I've noticed. DEB: she does gymn a lot DAN: Well I'll take your word for it. NICK: Heard about Arnies little water experience yesterday? ARNIE: NOOOO!!!!!! DAN: No I didn't! What?! NICK: Had a shower with his new girl friend DAN: Haha, really, hmmnn.... ARNIE: We didnt get up to anything, just a bit of a play DAN: Say no more my friend. ARNIE: Yeh. DAN: Right, ARNIE! ARNIE: What? DAN: Put your top back on! ARNIE: Haa sorry. NICK: That your favourite joke right now? DAN: Yeah do I use it too much? NICK: Yes, we were in the pub the other day, from behind me I heard "Put your trousers back on" and then we all turned around, and theres him laughing his head off with K-k-k-k-karen DAN: Well it's funny NICK: Alright DAN: If immature. NICK: Certainly is. ARNIE: Where is karen kah kah kah these days? DAN: Don't know! NICK: I saw her this morning actually DAN: Did she tell you to F off? NICK: No DAN: Wow there's a first. STEVE: Heard Oasis new album? DAN: Not THAT new now is it? STEVE: Still number two in the album charts DAN: Is it, dunno haven't heard it. STEVE: Its alright DAN: I don't like Oasis, so that's why I haven't heard it. STEVE: I saw bone head and whitey on TV this morning, reckoning "its the hardest biggest selling" and all that DAN: Bonehead and whitey? haha STEVE: The other band members DAN: Oh right, well whats in a name right? hahaha, eeeh. ARNIE: Hey if your sisters going to uni then she'll have to pay now. DAN: Yes, better start saving Deb DEB: get mam and dad to pay DAN: Scrounger. :) But what's the big deal with this paying? So they should pay for it! Why the hell should any one else pay for their education? DEB: because students are the future arent they? STEVE: Do stuff for the country DAN: Bollocks, you're telling me, you get higher education 'for the country'?! No way! You get it for YOU, and YOU only. So you can damn well pay for it yourself, like they do in other areas of the world. This country puzzles me you know, like all these benefits people get, and then complain it's not enough, if you think about it, why should you get child income support, free council housing, dole money? It all keeps upping the taxes for workers, it's costing us a damn fortune. NICK: alright as long as you dont say anything controvertial DAN: Hehe, but it makes me sick, "it's not enough" they get free housing, all the bills paid, free dental work, free health care, which they say is "free" but it's not, some one has to pay for it, i.e the people that pay taxes. I don't have a problem with some one who's lost their job and is on benefits who is geuinely looking for work, I sympathise greatly, but the ones who have about 4 kids, on a council estate, about 17 years old, neither work, complaining their dole money isn't enough, they piss me off so much, get off your lazy fat arses and do it yourself, this is the ONLY country that provides so much benefits. NICK: Okay then by the way you can't take the piss out of my Name any more DAN: Why not? NICK: cos your girl friend has the same name DAN: Hehe, I never said she was my girlfriend. NICK: Oh yeah course not, even though you hold hands and do all that lovey dovey crap shes not your girl friend DAN: Never said she wasn't either, keep yur nose out. NICK: Okay STEVE: Why dont you stand up nick, hes pushing you around :-) DAN: Because he knows I'll kick the crap out of him later on :) NICK: Yes! ARNIE: Which Nichola is it? DAN: Haha, well it's only likely to be bloody one of them isn't it, I mean let's face it, the other one is a bit of a... bitch, haha ARNIE: Yeh true. Just making sure. DAN: Good ARNIE: So your over your never dating again phase are you? DAN: Maybe... she is nice though 'aint she? ARNIE: A bit quiet, but shes alright yeh DAN: Cool. ARNIE: Hows Skewiff coming on? DAN: Good, we're up to issue 3 now. ARNIE: Its a good mag. DAN: A bit thin right now, but getting there. Did you see the holidays feature in issue 2? ARNIE: I cant remember DAN: Safe Sex guide "holidays are for fun, relaxing, getting a tan, and - if we're lucky - sex with some gorgeou stud/chick!". Haha ARNIE: Lucky us! DAN: Yeah, I'm having no holiday romances ARNIE: Nikki aint going? DAN: No. It also says "don't push yourself onto anyone, even though you're randy as hell, it doesn't mean they are", hehe, nice wording, wonder what replaces Skewiff when we're all fired? :) ARNIE: Haa NICK: That with Hallam FM? DAN: Certainly is, and Viking FM and "The New 96.3, Aire FM". NICK: Say hello to Scotty McClough for me DAN: I'll give him a big snog right, haha? NICK: Ha tell him Nick Abbot knows where he is! DAN: Hmmnn.... NICK: Ever met Scotty? DAN: No, seems a nice man though. NICK: Really?! Compared to what?! DAN: Hehe.... no comment. ARNIE: So you're off to Ibiza on the 19th of Sept huh? DAN: I am, which means Nicky boy is responsable if this issue is late. NICK: Your back on the 5th of October! DAN: So? NICK: Arhg. DAN: Nick, ever seen Groundhog day? NICK: Yeah DAN: Right. DAN: Nick, ever seen Groundhog day? NICK: Yeah DAN: Nick, ever seen Groundhog day? NICK: Yeah DAN: Nick, ever seen Groundhog day? NICK: Yeah DAN: Nick, ever seen Groundhog day? NICK: Yeah DAN: Nick, ever seen Groundhog day? NICK: Yeah DAN: Nick, ever seen Groundhog day? NICK: Yeah DAN: Nick, ever seen Groundhog day? NICK: Yeah DAN: Haha. NICK: Dan guess how much Tony Blair gets a year? DAN: Couldn't attempt to guess, tell me NICK: 140 grand a year DAN: That all?! DEB: what do you mean 'that all'! DAN: Well, yeah it's a nice wage, but it 'aint much considering he's the ruler of one of the world leaders, wow. NICK: Yeah I thought he would get more than that DAN: yep. WENDY: Ever seen Seinfield? DAN: Yeah it's cool STEVE: Larry Sanders is good as well DAN: Yeah thats a funny show. Hey Arnie, a friend of mine moved around here, right, the next street, know what she said?! "A bit rough this area isn't it?"!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARNIE: Haaa your area, rough!!?? DAN: That's what I thought, I've lived here over a year, I've never seen any trouble here, ever, it's the nicest place I've lived in my life. ARNIE: Yeh its a nice area she must be a bit mad DAN: Mnn. ARNIE: Nick heard you passed your drivers test NICK: Yes, now I need a car ARNIE: My new one is cool DAN: A Polo ARNIE: Yeh, smooth baby, DAN: Bit too small for me, especially the other day when we went out for a run, three people in the back, two in the front, and me sandwiched inbetween two people on the back seat. ARNIE: Only on the way there, you swapped on the way back DAN: Well you dropped me off before the others didn't you. ARNIE: Yeh because we went to the pub, and you went home to bed you lazy git DAN: So? ARNIE: It was quater to two on a Monday afternoon, and you went to bed. DAN: Yeah, so sue me! ARNIE: Haaa. NICK: Where'd you lot go? DAN: Just to McDonalds on Teesside park, and then to Middlesbrough. ARNIE: I had to be back at work for 3 though DAN: I only do 9-12 on Mondays though, so I get the afternoon off. ARNIE: Smarmy sod DAN: Hehe. NICK: Band names DAN: What of them? NICK: Friend of mine is in one, they need a name DAN: Oh I see, hmmnn... "Sod Off!" brilliant name NICK: Ha! Sod off? DAN: Yes, who'd forget that? NICK: Good one DAN: Spider in my room last night, the size of a horse!!! ARNIE: Haa, not exagerating at all? DAN: Well, maybe a bit. But I stood on it with my heavy shoes, and spread it across the carpet, what a mess. ARNIE: Urgh, just pick it up and throw it outside man DAN: No way, I'm scared of spiders, the size of them this year, wow. Deb spotted it didn't ya? DEB: yes i saw it come in the door DAN: And you ran to the door "arghh, spider spider!!" DEB: you did as well DAN: Well, yeah I know. DEB: I'm not terrified of them but i dont like them DAN: Get lost! I had a daddy-long legs and pretended it was a spider last week, and put it near you, you yelled at me "GET IT AWAAAYY!!!" haha DEB: okay then maybe i dont like them at all DAN: I don't mind daddy-long-legs (what a STUPID name for a flying insect). WENDY: They look pretty stupid as well DAN: Yes, they do. Flying along with their legs all stuck back blowing along WENDY: Dangling NICK: And the daddy long legs as well DAN: Haha. Hang on, phone... ARNIE: Never off the phone that boy NICK: I know, glued to his ear WENDY: I know, he should have been born a woman, he uses the phone like one NICK: Whats a woman use the phone like? WENDY: Well usually men use a phone for a quick message okay, but women talk like seeing a friend on them ARNIE: Yeh you girl folk talk to much! WENDY: I know ARNIE: And think about sex too much you pervs WENDY: So. But every girl does when there younger ARNIE: Do they? WENDY: Yes, when I was younger, I thought about sex all the time DEB: I used to, like 24 hours a day STEVE: Me too! heh heh WENDY: Do boys usually? ARNIE: Well not 24 hours a day, it's always there I guess, but not at the front of your mind usually NICK: when you said think about it, did you mean doing it, or the act? DEB: both WENDY: Yes shes got it right, both like even imagining it physically you know ARNIE: And they say men are the pervs! NICK: Ha! WENDY: Debbie DEB: yes WENDY: Wheres that brother of yours gone? DEB: don't know, shout him DAN!! WENDY: Daaaaannn!!!!!!! ARNIE: I don't want him to come back :-) NICK: That was nice DAN: Well tough, I'm back! ARNIE: Took your time, who was it? DAN: Nik ARNIE: Thought so, was it all "OK lovely, kissy kissy smoochy pups" haaaa DAN: Haha, ......maybe...ahem!! I'm meeting her tommorow at 12 ARNIE: What you gonna do? DAN: Going somewhere. ARNIE: I see DAN: Hehe, she's been swimming with her mates ARNIE: Cool where at? DAN: Didn't ask. Stockton I'd persume. NICK: You went to Wet N Wild with her last week DAN: Yeah, it was cool, ARNIE! ARNIE: Yeh DAN: I went down the black hole, hehe ARNIE: Ummmm dirty git DAN: Hahahah!!! It's a bloody water slide!!! ARNIE: A bloody======//////THE-POINT\\\\\\======= DAN: AAAAAARGGHH!!! THAT IS SICK!! ARNIE: Haaa heee heee WENDY: You are the pervy one Arn ARNIE: Any way, which friend did she go with? The devil worshiper? DAN: The very one. ARNIE: She's wierd, tell your bird to stop hanging around with her DAN: SHUT UP!! ARNIE: hah what? DAN: Don't call her a bird! You dick head ARNIE: Haaa OK sorry! DAN: Should think so to!! Bird?! BIRD?!! She's not a damn sea-gull or a pigeon, show some respect. ARNIE: Slag to shag? DAN: Hehe, don't. But yeah, her friend is a bit odd, she worships the "horny lord" or something DAN:...hahahahaha, why the silence?!! ARNIE: I'm in tears laughing, THE HORNY LORD! DAN: Oh, sorry, Horned lord, I think, hahahaha. STEVE: Guy from Alpha FM comes to my college ya know DAN: Who? STEVE: Brian Lister DAN: Oh yeah, I have a friend who works at Alpha STEVE: Who is he? DAN: Mark Brooks STEVE: right DAN: Yeah, Mark's a good friend of mine. NICK: /\/\PRIVATE MESSAGE TO DAN/\/\ DAN: Yeah, I'll check it next. NICK: Okay ARNIE: So it's Wednesday evening now, you go away Friday morning huh? DAN: Yes, tommorow is the last day of business stuff ARNIE: What times you working tommorow? DAN: 10-12, only two hours. ARNIE: I'm doing 9-3, you want to meet at 12 for lunch? DAN: Can't I'm meeting Nikki ARNIE: Oh yeh. Nick you want to? NICK: Alright. ARNIE: What you and Nikki getting up to? DAN: wouldn't you like to know, what you and Nick getting up to? hehe ARNIE: Ahh why you going with her? Wouldn't you rather be with your friends? DAN: Hmmn... no. Haha ARNIE: But it won't be as good with out you DAN: So you two will just sit there, in silence, like the sad pathetic individuals you are, with out my company to liven things up? ARNIE: Yeh NICK: yep DAN: Well what can I say?... tough. ARNIE: Fine be that way. DAN: Nhhyyaa. ARNIE: Tell me a joke and I'll let you off DAN: the type of person that kicks homeless people, "tell me a fu***** joke and I'll give you a quid", haha ARNIE: hahaaa oh god. DEB: i hurt my foot last night STEVE: Ohh did you? DAN: Good. NICK: H ha your a nasty sod DAN: Oh shove your head up your carcus. No, I'm not nasty to be nasty, I'm just honest! DEB: cut my foot on some glass YOU left DAN: Me?! DEB: yes DAN: When I smashed that glass? DEB: yes DAN: Well it's tough to clean it all up. STEVE: Cloning scares me DAN: Won't happen, if it does, we'll be long gone. STEVE: But this 'super race' they say about, all blue eyed and blonde haired people, with perfect personalities and super brains. DAN: Haha, you can't use the words "super brains" in the same sentance as "blue eyed and blonde haired"! hahaha DEB: hey! ARNIE: Cheeky git! DAN: Nah, a world full of blondes would be a nightmare, want to get us dark horses (huh?) in big number, we're too few and far between these days. ARNIE: Your just odd, no one wants black hair and brown eyes apart from gothics NICK: ha ha DAN: Sod off!! Gothics?! That said, I've gone out looking 'gothicish' at times, unaware, I've gotta learn, black jeans, black t-shirt, black shoes don't go with black hair and brown eyes. I've done that with out realising before. DEB: blondes have more fun DAN: Define 'fun' DEB: just in life DAN: How? How can your hair colour determine the amount of enjoyment you get out of life? DEB: get more attention DAN: No you don't. And if you're on about sex, then that's the thing that has got blondes the bad reputation they have, and if I wanted to "get laid" then I don't need blonde hair to do that, I'd look majorly odd with blonde hair. DEB: yeah you would DAN: So your argument is crap. DEB: okay well i dont want to argue tonight DAN: Ok, well that's all folks! ARNIE: Alright have a nice holiday dan! DAN: See ya if I dont see you before ARNIE: Bye DAN: Than DAN: +RIPMAG+