What To Do If You See a UFO

So you've seen a UFO. Now what to do? DON'T CALL THE COPS! They'll either run you in for being a hallucinating lunatic, or they'll tell the FBI and you'll end up getting dragged out of a burning car in Detroit with four gallons of LSD coursing thr ough your veins. Here's what you do:

1. COMMIT YOUR EXPERIENCE TO PAPER

   Write down everything! Time, location, weather, etc. Sketch what you see. If you are fortunate enough to have a camara, take a picture. Splurge and get this roll developed by professionals. Be paranoid and don't tell the picture guy, "Be very careful. There are UFO pictures on this roll which may be worth millions of dollars." They'll get stolen or he or she will call the cops (see above).

2. INVOLVE OTHERS

   Find any witnesses who may have seen the UFO. The more people, the more credibility a story holds, and if nothing else, at least you'll have a cellmates at the funny farm. Telling people about a UFO sighting is indeed a scary thing. You risk humiliati on, ridicule, and even being fired. But the alternative is slowly going insane as the line between reality and fantasy blurs and you start mutilating cattle.

3. KEEP YOUR WITS ABOUT YOU

   Although what you've seen is probably a UFO, it may be something else, like a plane or the moon. If people start getting mean, just say somehting like, "I know I saw something. It may not be a UFO, but I cannot explain it any other way." That sounds s omewhat sane and it will buy you enough time to go get better proof. Who knows, maybe the UFO will contact you and those people will feel foolish as they die at your feet from alien particle beams.

4. GO TO THE PRESS

   The power of the press is indeed mighty. Take your story anywhere and everywhere. Never mind the dubious reputations of certain publications and TV Shows. When people see the weight of your evidence they will be convinced. Be sure to use your real nam e so people can call you at home and congradulate you on your accomplishment. If the cops get you at this point, you may "disappear", but your work will live on. "Disappearing" merely confirms that you were right.