-A scab encrusted navel or rectal bleeding. -Short term memory loss. -The sudden urge to cover your body with orange marmalade and recite Dylan Thomas plays backwards.

True, some of these same syptoms have been experienced after watching spanish re-runs of "Saved By The Bell", but that's a different web site all together. Those of us who know they have been ABDUCTED and just need to prove it will find the following information invaluable.

Common Misconceptions

1. Not bathing

-Not bathing will actually attract grays. Apparently it gives them more things to do to your body while you lie hopelessly paralyzed in the mother ship in a stationary orbit over the dark side of the moon.

2. Sleeping with a firearm

-While it may help you to fall asleep it DOES NOT prevent abduction.(But DARN it sure does feel good!)

3. Removing the tiny metal thing they implanted under the skin on the back of your neck will keep them from finding you after you move for the sixth time this year.

-Don't be silly! The real tracking device is deep within your brain next to your pineal gland.

While it is not known how Grays remove a sleeping victim from his or her home without being detected it is known that all attempts to record such events using a video camera have proven futile. (Mechanical cameras powered by a spring mechanism work the best. The finest example of abduction footage is the little known Guido Zapruder film in which an eight millimeter camera was triggered by a tripwire connected to an abductee's big toe.)

Can you stop them and if you could why would you want to?

Let's face it, alien abduction is "Networking" on the grandest scale. Screw namedropping at parties! Imagine telling people that you've been hanging out with beings that travel faster than the speed of light and think Windows '95 is the equivalent of a prehistoric cave painting!

Look for more survival tips soon from the A.A.F. as information becomes available.

Last Updated: Thursday, April 19, 1996

All text and graphics this page © 1996 by Mark Solis