/\/\PAGE/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ Hello, welcome to the conference special for Page Collection VOL 2 An extra special conference, just for you testies. By testies I meant people who are testing the mag, not... well... calling you all testicles... would be insulting... obviously.... Ahem! Right, the line up is: Dan, which is me, on an A3000T with some extra upgrades and things which i won't send you all to sleep with. Arnie on his A4000/060 at work, but he takes a bit of time out to spend extra special time with us one here... awwww, isn`t he nice? Nick on an A1200 in his house (that`s if he hasn't eaten it yet! :) Debbie on her A500 at my parents house, she's my sister you see. And Sleazy Steve on his A1200, and he talks to us from well over 50 miles away! Going international now you know! :) And also we have a very special appearence this disk, a guy from Stockton, who reads the disk every issue and he met me in Stockton last week, so he asked if he could be on a conference, so I said OK, just this once mind, so don`t you lot get ideas about a 64,000 person conference! /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ DAN: Welcome along, time for another round of this crap. ARNIE: Sound so enthusiastic Dan DAN: Oh yeah STEVE: Hello every one DAN: Hi Stevie DEB: hi all DAN: Going south American "Hi y`all" DEB: i didnt say y'all DAN: Nicky! NICK: Yes I'm here. DAN: Nice one Let's go* OK, all running now. ARNIE: Good, I camped out at the River Side Stadium to get me tickets for the big one! DAN: I know, you mad git. ARNIE: I'm not I`m getting to see the Boro play their biggest match it was worth waiting in the que for that. DAN: Must have been cold ARNIE: It was bloody freezing! DAN: Listen I`ve got some one else coming on later on, a boy called Paul is coming on, because he's been reading the disk for ages and i bumped into him last week, and he asked if he could be in a conference, and I said OK. STEVE: Alright, the more the better. You know what they say, two`s company, but three's an orgie. DAN: Haha, indeed. Not that I would want to do any thing like that with any of you lot of course! ARNIE: Hell no! DAN: NO! ARNIE: No!! DAN: NOO!! ARNIE: Nooooooo DAN: HAHA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! ARNIE: Ok DAN: Right. DEB: natalies here DAN: What! Does she always have to be there NATALIE: yes i come here especially on saturday aftrnoons DAN: Really NATALIE: yes DAN: You know they say every one has a double? NATALIE: i know DAN: Go find mine! NATALIE: i wouldnt mind DAN: Haha. Good one. NATALIE: how olds this lad you have coming on? DAN: I dunno. NATALIE: you must have a rough idea DAN: I think he`s about 18. NATALIE: good is he sexy DAN: Oh yeah, I fancied him to bits... what type of question's that?! NATALIE: oh sorry i forgot your male! DAN: EEEeeh, I`m not homosexually inclined NATALIE: luckily DAN: Indeed. ARNIE: Natalie you havent called him his name yet DAN: Did you have to remind her?!!! NATALIE: oh sorry sexy DAN: *sigh*. Oh hang on, I'm not even bloody delaying this. How's that happened?! Wait there, * there should be in now, I thought I pressed that! Hang on... bloody thing hasn't worked! ARNIE: Is this saving live? DAN: Yeah, wait a minute. ARNIE: Give it a smack DAN: Give us a sec. ARNIE: He typed sex again every one but he went back and deleted it NICK: Always does that, got it on the brain that boy NATALIE: i wish! ARNIE: Cough DAN: Right, let's try this * Right now give it a second to see if it worked then, and has it?!! NO!!! Bloody thing! Who`s been messing with this? ARNIE: Not me. ARNIE: Dah dah dah NICK: Nice weather we're having isn't it? ARNIE: Haa, yes lovely. DAN: I can't see anything wrong with it. ARNIE: Is it set up properly DAN: Yes, it seems to be. * try that. dah gfe tre tre yr six seven eight nine ten bam! Didn't work. Hmmmnn, curious. ARNIE: Didn't it work that time? DAN: No. ARNIE: Need a new one then Dan, try resettin*******/\/\/\/\PAGE/\/\/\/\*******g it. DAN: I just have, wait a minute.. It should have worked then, aaaanndd it did! Wehey! Went right in the middle of one of your words though, but never mind. ARNIE: So we can get started now? DAN: Yes. ARNIE: If you had to name your best films of all time what would they be? DAN: Hmmn, War Games is a damn good film, and the first Karate Kid movie is cool. Didn`t think much of the last one DEB: The next Karate kid DAN: Yeah, with that girl in it. DEB: its around here somewhere DAN: I know, i got it on a freebie. DEB: i watched it, it wasnt bad. DAN: Not as good as the classic though. NICK: Heard OJ has what could be his 3rd trial coming up. DAN: Why won't they just leave that guy alone? Proves the US juditional system is a pile of crap, he gets found innocent, and then guilty by two different courts, they can't both be right! ARNIE: What do you think? DAN: I haven't really followed the case so I don't really know. He got found Innocent though and that should have been it. If he did do it, then he was damn lucky, and a real liar as well. But if he didn't do it, then I feel deeply sorry for him, that must be awful getting accused and half of the world thinking you commited a crime you weren't guilty of. STEVE: Hi pretty face DAN: Hi. DEB: are you talking to me? STEVE: Yes I am. DEB: hello. again STEVE: I didn't say it properly DEB: okay DAN: We`re definately off. All that remains to get us into real conference mode is for me to say... Hey Deb! DEB: make me laugh DAN: OK. What is the best way to amuse a blonde all day? DEB: i dont know DAN: Tell him/her to alphabetically arrange a packet of M&Ms! Hahah! DEB: okay dan DAN: OK. Sorry, then, didn't go down too well. Debbie you theaf! DEB: how am i DAN: What the hell is that white snooker ball doing in your coat pocket?! DEB: its a pool ball actually DAN: What?! Do you carry it around just incase some one happens to bring a portable set-up pool table along, and forgets the white ball you can save the day? DEB: some thing like that DAN: Come on, what's the real reason? DEB: how did you really find out it was in there DAN: Because I moved your coat and it fell out of the pocket, got me very worried for a moment, I looked down and saw a white ball at my feet, nearly shocked my self to death! ARNIE: haaa DAN: Come on, what on Earth posseses a girl to pinch a white pool ball?! DEB: i didnt steal it DAN: Haha! What you didn't buy it. DEB: no DAN: Hahahah!!! TELL ME THEN!!!! Before I go insaine DEB: sounds like you already have DAN: I will in a minute if you don't tell me where the ball came from DEB: you want to know? DAN: It would be nice yes... :/ DEB: one of my friends put it in there and i only found it after we had left the place DAN: Right, thank you! DEB: happy? DAN: And how long ago was that? DEB: just after new year DAN: And you still carry it around? DEB: yes DAN: Why? Might come in handy?! DEB: i never got around to throwing it away okay? DAN: OK... very suspicious. DEB: why? DAN: Oh, no reason, we all carry pool cue balls around in our coats. DEB: whats the big deal DAN: Haha, I can't even believe we have spent so long talking about it. DEB: me neither STEVE: There are far more interesting things you can carry in your pocket DAN: Far more interesting balls as well for that matter, but that's another conference DEB: is it? DAN: Yes the next conference is dedicated to the different type of balls to carry in your coat pocket! DEB: sounds interesting DAN: Indeed. (We've all gone totally mad!) ARNIE: One of us has, and it aint me STEVE: Deb do you like The Backstreet boys? DEB: yes they are okay STEVE: Right, I dont like them myself. DAN: I don't usually like boy bands, but "Quit playing games" was a good song. STEVE: It's okay I suppose DAN: I'm going to get Paul on here now, OK? STEVE: Go on then. DAN: Give me 5 mins to set it up then. ARNIE: I can go to the bog then? DAN: Haha, yeah go. Rest of you, go take a break for a bit. DEB: right STEVE: Back soon! NICK: I'll go get something to eat DAN: There's a change! NICK: Oh, sooooo funny Dan! :-) ========================================================================= DAN: There we go, every one back? STEVE: Yes DEB: yes ARNIE: I'm back NICK: Here DAN: OK, say hello Paul PAUL: hello you lot ARNIE: Hi DEB: hello STEVE: Hi man NICK: The more the merrier DAN: As you can tell, strange lot! PAUL: no they all are cool Arnie i loved you and Bazs bit ARNIE: You're going back a while there! PAUL: I know DAN: I met Paul last week in Stockton, I was helping a friend of mine out that day by setting some computers up in a shop, which I don't normally do, but I owed him a favour, only there a couple of hours but Paul works there, and when I introduced my self, he said "Do you do stuff on the Amiga?" And I thought... "Oooooh nooo, he doesn't know who I am!??" :) PAUL: I couldnt believe it DAN: Haha. Then he asked me if I did a diskmag called Page and I said yes and his exact words were, "You're Dan Wood?... F*** off!". Oh thanks mate! PAUL: hhha yeah I'm sorry, you just didnt look like I expected you to. DAN: Really? PAUL: No I thought you would have been much older DAN: Oh right. (?) PAUL: You seem older on here than you are DAN: Do I? PAUL: yes. DAN: OK, fine. (I always thought I behaived as if I was about 6 on here, never mind!) PAUL: It was very nice meeting you though I have been reading this disk for years now. Its very smart now. DAN: Thanks. It's strange when I meet people and they say "You don't look at all like I expected you to", what? Are they dissapointed?! :) PAUL: No, looked much smarter than I persumed DAN: OK. NATALIE: disapointed in the way you look!! DAN: It was only a question. NATALIE: no way Dan, your a mega babe DAN: Alright, haha, not infront of guests! :) PAUL: Hi natalie NATALIE: hiya PAUL: I like what you do, its very funny NATALIE: thanks DAN: Sigh NATALIE: Dan have you ever been to an old peoples home? DAN: Not yet, I'm only just out of my teens. NATALIE: have you ever BEEN to one DAN: When i was at school on community service in my last year I did for a few weeks. NATALIE: how old were you? DAN: Erm, I don't know, It was about September time.... I would have been 15. NATALIE: did you like it? DAN: Erm, it was easier than school. We just played cards with the old grannies and grandads, and they got the Karaoke machine out and the old folks had a sing song to the old stuff, and we really just talked to them and give them a bit of company for 2 hours a week on a Thursday afternoon. NATALIE: we did that a couple of months ago, it wasnt very nice DAN: Why? NATALIE: i dont like old peoples homes they depress me DAN: Maybe the one you went it was, but not all are. ARNIE: Bad smelling? NATALIE: yes DAN: Well they can't really help that, when you get old you lose control of somethings you know? NATALIE: i know DAN: I had a great grandmother who was in a nursing home a while ago, and she had amnesia, but they seemed to treat her well in there, she always looked happy even if she didn't really have a clue what was going on around her. One of my nanas now lives in a residential home, but that's different from a nursing home. There's nothing wrong with my gran she can come and go as she pleases, they are just like flats where they can get help should they need it. NATALIE: we went to a mental old peoples home DAN: Yeah, well it can be a bit strange, but I persume none of them could be considered dangerous NATALIE: no but it wasnt a very nice place DAN: Ok, well I don't know which one you mean, but they can differ. NATALIE: It was at th DAN: Hey hey!! NATALIE: t what? DAN: Don't tell me please, we don't need to know NATALIE: sorry DAN: It's OK. By the way, you wouldn't think I was such a 'mega babe' if you saw me today. NATALIE: why? DAN: I've had a rough few days. You should see me, I had 4 hours sleep for 2 days running and then 7 hours this morning. I look like an addict, my eyes are all red around them, and I have a bit of stubble as well, in fact I look a right tramp! NATALIE: again? are you not well? DAN: Haha, what? NATALIE: are you feeling sick? DAN: No, just knackered. NATALIE: i bet you still look a babe DAN: Well, that could be very debatable! Don't worry though I intend to sleep tommorow right through, I.E go to bed at 4 AM and get up at about 7 PM. :) ARNIE: Lazy git DAN: Thanks. It's sunday tommorow, what's it matter?! :) NATALIE: need any company? DAN: Hahahaha!! No thanks NICK: He'll be fine alone! DAN: Ahem! NATALIE: alright, just as long as you wake up again DAN: What a flirt you are! NATALIE: i know .pout.pout. STEVE: Woooaaahhh PAUL: getting a bit hot steve? STEVE: Yeah! I've never even met her either PAUL: I havent met any of you apart from Dan DAN: Unfortunate isn't it? PAUL: a bit DAN: Thanks. :) STEVE: Dan the other week I got AFCD 12, what a bloody suprise I got seeing this one there! I thought wow, me in Amiga format! DAN: Ok. STEVE: Can I give my email address out so people can get in touch? DAN: No. STEVE: Oh go on Dan dont be mean DAN: No you can't. STEVE: Oh ahway! I*******/\/\/\/\PAGE/\/\/\/\******* DAN: Listen, read my fingers, NO! You can't give your e-mail address out. STEVE: Why not? DAN: Because I said so. STEVE: I've done it already DAN: No i took it out STEVE: Eh? DAN: Alright, "oh yes, you have" :( NATALIE: my brother got in a mood with me for getting drunk the other week DAN: You have a brother eh? NATALIE: yes DAN: How old is he? NATALIE: 26 DAN: Well I don't fancy the idea of him getting the wrong idea and coming after me, so you stop flirting! :) NATALIE: he wont think any thing. But i got drunk with some friends and he threatened to tell my mam DAN: OK. NATALIE: he lives near my dad so i am really worried he might tell him. DAN: You're 16 now right? NATALIE: yes DAN: Right, well you are underage. I don't want to sound a boring sod, but you have to look realistically. The 18 age limit isn't there just for the hell of it. Right now you have your GCSEs virtually on the doorstep, you can't get through them if you're going to be getting drunk, I can understand where you brother is coming from, he's worried about you, he doesn't want you to bugger up this important stage. NATALIE: it was only a one off DAN: So you haven't done it before or since? NATALIE: i had done it before but not since but it was only a few weeks ago. DAN: How many times before? NATALIE: about 2 DAN: Ok. Have you learnt your lesson, you aren't going to get like that again when you are at such a vital stage? NATALIE: i will again some day but not until I have done these exams DAN: Then I suggest you have a private talk with your brother and if you mean it then he'll know, and probably let this sweep under the carpet, but don't let it happen again. NATALIE: you have never seen Deb drunk? DAN: Only once. And she said she wouldn't do it again, and I know her better than any of her friends and I believed her and didn't tell any one that time. NATALIE: i have only seen her drunk once and that was before xmas DAN: Same here, must have been the same time. DEB: it was DAN: OK Deb, well don't do it again until you're at least 17, you're still 15, not old enough to handle getting drunk yet Deb. DEB: okay DAN: I don't want to sound like old-boring-git big brother Dan, giving patronising talk to little sister, but there is a reason for these things. DEB: i know there is i wont do it until after the exams DAN: Should wait until at least 17, you will still be 15 after the exams, your birthday isn't until August DEB: i know DAN: OK, well if you do, if I find out, I'm going to tell our parents I promise you of that. DEB: i wont do it again until i feel im ready DAN: Right. Well, there's nothing I can do to make you, but you have always been responable, so, go figure. DEB: yes STEVE: Apart from the extra cute exterior DAN: OK Steve. STEVE: Can I bring up a quick subject change? DAN: Go on then STEVE: Wet dreams DAN: Haha, alright then. STEVE: I remember when we went camping with the school at the start of 1996, a mate of mine got it all over the bed DAN: Hahaha! Do you have to? Trust no one needs an explination of a wet dream? :) ARNIE: No thanks NICK: Duurrghh PAUL: I have been there DAN: Good. Erm, OK, and... STEVE: Yeah went all over the bed sheets and he got a right telling off by the teacher in front of the entire class DAN: Well that is bloody stupid. Altough I am being perfectly honest here, never happened to me, but that is very cruel of the teacher, it's a natural part of growing up, it wasn't the boys fault ARNIE: Its like t*******/\/\/\/\PAGE/\/\/\/\*******s! DAN: Yeah, these things happen, and there was nothing he could do to avoid it, and rather than give him a shouting at, maybe he could have being a bit understanding, it must have been embrassing enough for the boy with out some arse telling the whole class. I'm sure none of the other pupils in the class really thought much about it. STEVE: He did say it in front of all the girls as well who had a good laugh DAN: Yeah, very stupid of that man. ARNIE: What do you think of the North\South divide? DAN: Doesn't exist apart from in incredibly thick people who treat them differently. Some thick people in the South (not calling Southerners thick, but refering to the thick ones) think that the north is still all cobbled streets, no electricity and every one is very neighbourly, transport is crap etc. It's not at all. This area, the Stockton-Middlesbrough-Darlington area is a really nice area, the North-East is a very nice place. Stockton has recently had hundreds of millions of pounds spend re-newing it all, and it is a very posh looking, and brand spanking new area, there is a very clean river with water skiing and wind surfing next to the town centre, with a lovely concreted walk way next to the road, a bit further up, the Tees barrage, where there are white water rapids with canoeing on there, and it is really modern, much cooler than any town I saw down in the South actually. But you get boring quiet areas in the North just as you do in the South ARNIE: I originate from down near London, and I really prefer it up here, you think morning traffic is bad here Dan, you want to see it in London, you might wait 20 mins on a motor way here, you'll be there 20 hours down there. DAN: Yeah. But this community spirit, this so called very friendly atmosphere, maybe even possibly stupid gormless people, typical northener, jolly fat old bastard (sorry about that), doesn't exist. The north isn't a place where people are all very neighbourly where i have been, I have seen very community places in the South and I suppose some streets will be in the North like that. People are as busy, going to office jobs, college, university up here as there are in the South, it's all just a bit more laid back in the North-East I think. STEVE: All the good looking babes are in the north east as well DAN: No Steve, where you come from doesn't decide your looks. NATALIE: Dan did you get pressured into doing it for the first time? DAN: You mean having sex? NATALIE: yes DAN: Why? NATALIE: just wondering, i thought you said it the other talk DAN: Yeah. I did I suppose, altough I didn't realise at the time, but she was really leading me on a bit if I look back on it, the sneeky bugger. NATALIE: How old were you DAN: I'm not telling ya. NATALIE: what about her? DAN: About a year or two older DEB: and you told me off for drinking DAN: I know it was irresponsable, but I learnt my lesson and waited a couple of years until I found some one I really liked. DEB: i was only joking DAN: OK NATALIE: And you dont like being called cute? DAN: 'cute', no not really. I get called cute all the time, and I don't know how to take that really. Hang on, did that make me sound like a big head? ARNIE: Yeh! DAN: I didn't mean it in a boasty way, but I don't know how to take being called 'cute', what? Are they feeling sorry for me or something, like you say to a baby? Patronising sods. On the other hand I guess they mean it as a complement, but I can't be too sure. NATALIE: take it from me when a girl calls you cute then its another way of calling you gorgeous DAN: Is it really? NATALIE: yes DAN: Cool. (Durgh :) PAUL: you know last disk you had those embarasing stories in them? DAN: Yes PAUL: any one had one? DAN: Mine was when I had been shopping, and I had about 6 bags and they all split open at the bottom, at EXACTLY the same time, I turned into a tomatoe myself. PAUL: ha ha NATALIE: oh cute PAUL: who? NATALIE: Dan DAN: Thanks. STEVE: I was talking about that to some friends during the week aparrently we all have had them I told you before about what happened at work when that posh woman was there and my mate said "is she shaggable" with out knowing she was right behind me! PAUL: I saw that, very funny. STEVE: Also wind is bad for girls with skirts DEB: i know its happened to me STEVE: Has it, tell me all DEB: i was talking to some one out side and it was windy and my skirt blew up and i had to hold on to it, it was when we were having all of those strong winds DAN: Hahah!! DEB: it wasnt funny! DAN: Hahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!! STEVE: I would have liked to see that. DEB: okay DAN: :) I bet you smutty git. STEVE: For research purposes of course DAN: I heard something REALLY funny today! I was talking to some one who had just bought a new PC, and I said are you on the internet and he said "Yes it's got INTERNET INSIDE"!!! hee hee, I persume he meant Intel inside. You can't help laughing. STEVE: Ha you have to feel sorry for them. Did you see the launch of Channel 5 last night? DAN: You live up there in Northumberland don't ya? STEVE: Yes DAN: In Teesside/Co Durham and North Yorkshire we can't get the bloody thing, they haven't started broadcasting yet. NICK: It's supposed to be in Billsdale DAN: I know, they haven't told any one here about it have they, but they have the adverts up in Stockton town centre, as far as I'm concerned that advert was a waste of money, advertising a film that's on next week, when C5 isn't out here until later in the year. NICK: You can get it if you get another arial and point it in the other direction DAN: To the one further up the country? No you don't need another arial, if you just ajust your existing arial to face it then it is possible to receive the new channel but the quality of the picture leaves a lot to be desired. ARNIE: There wasn't these probs when Channel 4 was launched DAN: I can't remember, I was too young. ARNIE: I was, but I know the facts DAN: But the air space that has been granted for Channel 5 is the last free space on the TV bandwidth, so remember they were going to launch a Channel 6 as well? ARNIE: Yes i do! DAN: Well they can't because there is no free space left, which is why C5 runs very close to videos frequency. ARNIE: But there is loads of free air space, when you go tuning there are loads of snow DAN: But those frequencies are used for other things apart from TV, but until one of the current signals using the other frequencies end up turning off and the air space becomes free we won't be seeing a Channel 6 in the near future. Maybe next decade... NICK: So what are we lot to do up here? This is a major area of the country, not some little area in the middle of no where, why the hell can't we get it. DAN: Channel 5 haven't been quick enough in re-tuning videos in this area, so they have to wait until they get all that done first, because if they turn on the transmitter, and haven't re-tuned videos, they will suffer from a hell of a lot of interference. NICK: So we are getting it DAN: In September, but I have ajusted my arial, and I have an arial, which stretching from the socket is about 15 metres, and the quality is still crap, although you can see it. NICK: So what about if you just get a portable TV with a small arial indoors that you can swing to the other direction? Can you get it then? DAN: No you stupid sod, the most important thing is the size of the arial, you have a 900 metre arial you can get French TV and everything, a small indoor arial hasn't got a hope in hell of receiving the signals. NICK: But if you move your arial don't you lose the other channels? DAN: No, because I have an arial in my attic so I went up there and dragged it to the other side of the room, but the stregnth of the other channels transmitters is strong enough to be picked up no matter where my arial is, so you don't lose them. NICK: Were the Spice girls on the launch? STEVE: Yeah DAN: Yes they were with a hashed up version of Manfred Mann's 54321 song, and it was crap so you didn't miss much. I have actually discovered today I can get it on Cable anyway, perfect quality so the arial dragging exercise was a bit of a waste of time, NICK: You got cable? When?! DAN: The other week, got rid of Sky, and got cable, works out better for me. STEVE: we have no probs getting Channel 5 here DAN: I know Middlesbrough, Stockton, and Darlington, most areas can't get it. STEVE: I've hard that it isnt going to be Summer down there, but much later DAN: How later? STEVE: Next year DAN: 40% of the UK get bad reception so far, I'm sure all of these problems will be sorted out, but Channel 5 has been "launching soon" since about 1989, and by now they should have all of the problems sorted out, it is a bit of a raw deal. NICK: i got a tuner guy around here but I cant get it DAN: I got a card, but haven't done anything about it, I can get the weak transmission from further north, and it doesn't affect any other channels, I have it through my video as well, which is a bit weaker than the raw TV signal. How did he tune yours in with out transmissions even started? NICK: They had a little box which simulated the channel 5 frequency. DAN: Oh right. Well I live in Stockton and I know people near here who can get it just fine, but I can't get it with out my large arial and even then it is weak. STEVE: By 1998 80% of the UK will have it. They have Prisoner Cell Block H every morning at 4:40 AM, I've set my video to tape it tommorow morning. DAN: Oh what?! ARNIE: Dan isn't that programme CRAP!!! DAN: It certainly is., STEVE: It great I can watch it two nights a week on Channel 3, then 5 five nights on 5. DAN: SAD, SAD, SAD!!! ARNIE: I utterly agree Dan DAN: Good. NICK: It's not bad DAN: It is. DEB: i have seen the listings in the paper and it doesnt look that good DAN: They are a low budget station at present, because the money for the advertising isn't so large yet (not suprised if 40% of the UK can harldy see it) but when things improve and they have more money I'm sure it will improve. DEB: doesnt really matter if we cant get it DAN: Yeah. Not to us. But these days most people have cable or sky any way, so if you're that bothered for new channels, just get sky or cable, it doesn't cost much. ARNIE: Hear about that girl who got shot this week end? DAN: Yeah I did. ARNIE: What happened every one else, was that a 12 year old girl was roller skating to a local shop with a friend, when some dick head pulled out an air rifle and shot her in the face, and she had to have an eye taken out at hospital. DAN: Disgraceful, makes you ashamed to be a human when thing happen like that. This prat shot a perfectly innocent girl who was just going to the shops, and a bunch of absolute bastards pull a gun out and shoot her just "for their laughs", it really does make you sick. NICK: Back to channel 5, how do you do videos? DAN: It's easy, if you find that the Channel 5 frequency in your area is 36MhZ which is the same frequency as most videos, there is tuning pot on 99% of videos which slightly needs adjusting, and you just tweak that, it was easy for me. NICK: I'm not as technically minded as you though, in that area your a whizz. DAN: Well, I won't argue with you, with things like that, I am good with them. But you would at least think that they would send a letter out to us lot telling us that it isn't yet launched here. I have mine tuned into 68 frequency. It took me about half an hour fannying on with the arial. But downstairs I have cable anyway, so it is digital crystal clear on there, that said I agree with Debbie, it doesn't look like anything too special as yet. STEVE: Its not bad, better than nothing DAN: Yeah, ok. PAUL: Have you every used a scanner? DAN: Yeah, I don't own one, but a friend of mine has a really cool one, he can even pick up what people are listening to through their hi-fi in the surrounding houses with it, be it from a CD, or what ever. It's quite good. PAUL: I can get baby monitors on mine DAN: Right. Shouldn't do that though, illegal! PAUL: so would be the hi fi thing DAN: Well it wasn't me, I shall give the person a good kicking then. PAUL: Alright mate NATALIE: what did you think of my little sister? DAN: What a mouth! I had a head ache after that! NATALIE: I know she has NICK: How did you meet her sister? DAN: When I was home the other day Deb had Natalie and her sister in there. NICK: Spending a lot of time at home recently? DAN: Well as you know I live very close, so I go there every couple of days, I still have a room there you know! NICK: I know NATALIE: She says your gorgeous as well DAN: Haha. How old is she? NATALIE: 12 DAN: Hahahah!! Shut up right now, you'll get me arrested! NATALIE: 13 in July DAN: Eeeh. STEVE: Deb a good email address for you DEB: i dont have one STEVE: beutifulgirl@my.dreams.com DEB: wow STEVE: Waaheey!! DAN: Haha. STEVE: I could say that your hotter than a bunsen burner on blue flame DAN: Alright, stop it now, it's sends us all to sleep. STEVE: Want to hear a strange but true? DAN: Go on then. STEVE: Aerobics instructor Anthony Truly teaches aerobics classes decked out in a tousled platinum blond wig and tight red leggings, with tassles dangling from his chest and his platform sneakers. Sometimes, for fun, he stuffs a sports bra with falsies. As his students struggle through an hour of push-ups and tummy crunches, Truly sashays around the room, batting his long, gold eyelashes, striking poses and delivering catty comments. DAN: Haha, what a sight. Why the hell does he stuff a sports bra with falsies, the reason you would wear a sports bra would be because because they would be an inconvenience, why on earth deal with it if you don't have to? STEVE: I don't know he sounds strange any way. DAN: I know STEVE: Here: Top Ten Things that sound dirty around the office but aren't 10. I need you to whip it out by 5! 9. Mind if I use your laptop? 8. Put it in my box before I leave. 7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag! 6. I want it on my desk NOW! 5. Hmmm... I think it's out of fluid. 4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish. 3. It's an entry-level position. 2. When do you think you'll be getting off today. 1. It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits back! DAN: Yeah, OK. STEVE: What do you think of facial hair? DAN: Don't know, I have always shaved the stuff off, but there is the old saying "don't trust a man with a beard", very strange. STEVE: Okay. DAN: But never trust a woman with a beard! :) STEVE: Yes DAN: OK (??) NATALIE: I think beards look a mess DAN: Do they? NATALIE: one boy at school has got a beard DAN: Right, already?. NATALIE: more of a goatie beard and i dont like that at all DAN: OK, is he a friend of yours? NATALIE: no but you wouldnt look as much of a babe with a beard DAN: Well I won't ever grow one. Rest assured NATALIE: good ARNIE: Like I have a very hairy chest, all down my arms as well, and my legs. DAN: I haven't any hair at all on my chest or stomach, my arms aren't either, my legs are a bit but not much. NATALIE: i like that better as well, i dont like gorillas DAN: Haha. :) ARNIE: Oh cheers! NATALIE: sorry Arnie ARNIE: Apology accepted NICK: Dan how heigh are you DAN: I'd say about 5.6/7 STEVE: Height is one thing, Debbie and me get discrimintation in hair colour. DAN: Hmmn. STEVE: I have ginger and she has blonde both get the fun taken out of them. DAN: Blonde jokes have only really taken off in the past year. DEB: sadly! DAN: Haha :) PAUL: Remember you were talking about prostitutes a few months ago? DAN: Yep PAUL: I know where there are loads DAN: I bet :) PAUL: I have never used them though DAN: No. I don't think there is really a point for them. If any one wanted to sleep with some one they could easily go out and find some one who would do it with them for free. ARNIE: Maybe, you would know! DAN: No, no. I have never tried, because I don't have the need to, I would only sleep with some one I had been seeing for a while, and I loved them, you see guys who go down town every Saturday looking for a 'shag', I have never done that because I don't want to. I'm not like that, but if I wanted to I could easily, so could any one, take it from me, there are a lot of very easy men and women out there. ARNIE: I actually agree with that I know a lot but they are usually quite ugly. DAN: One I can think of, she's not bad, not my type of course, I don't like girls who sleep around, I don't like guys who sleep around either, I wouldn't associate with some one who went out for sex, because I don't want to be seen with any one like that. ARNIE: What do you mean by you dont like boys who sleep around, DAN: I mean, to be friends with, to go down town with a few mates ARNIE: Thought you were going bi-sexual then!! DAN: Erm, no. No. ARNIE: I know it was a joke DAN: Good. STEVE: Dan says the best way to get a girl is to tell her to sod off and it seems to work PAUL: Good one! DAN: I know, if i wanted to get another girl friend (which i don't right now, just split up again! :( Natalie would be great to hang around me for a bit, I guarantee it if she carried on like she normally does around a few women, that would make them more interested. It wouldn't work with all women or all men but the type that say "I can't have that, but I'll prove the world wrong! I can!!". NATALIE: i'll gladly hang around you, why not just let me be your girl? DAN: Too young Natalie! NATALIE: your only 4 years older DAN: OK, no, I'm definately staying away from women for a while, you get two types of person: 1) Stupid people 2) Single people I've come to that conclusion, I agree, I said last November that I wouldn't fall in love again, I did and it went wrong this time as well, it hurts too much. NATALIE: Ahh.youre sooo cute DAN: OK. :) (oh oh!) ARNIE: Can I ask a question? DAN: Go on then ARNIE: I'm looking for a word. "Almost encounter a thousand, becoming humble". Any ideas (4 letter word) DAN: Erm, "Meek" probably, is that right? ARNIE: Don't know, could be. What about "Ice on the motorwar, probably..." also 4 letter word DAN: Can't think of that one.... hmmmn, leave it with me. NICK: I havent a clue either ARNIE: It will be a word meaning "probably" DAN: No, don't know, why do you want them? ARNIE: Just passwords for 'another' disk mag DAN: Oh! Well I wish you had said that before. Apologies to what ever disk it is. A*******/\/\/\/\PAGE/\/\/\/\******* DAN: No! I'm sure the disk in question is very good. I've seen a couple of them, and they are very professional. ARNIE: If any one out there knows, email dan and he'll pass them on. DAN: Ok, why password protect a disk mag any way? ARNIE: Dunno, I BEG any one who knows, tell me PLEASE! DAN: Email address is: KIX105@hotmail.com ARNIE: Thanks NICK: around the world by Da Funk was good Dan DAN: Did you like it? NICK: Yeah, the vinyl is thick DAN: I know, a quality promo :) NICK: Whens it due out? DAN: A couple of months, about April PAUL: Its great actually been here DAN: Is it? PAUL: Hell I read this disk religiously DAN: By that I trust you mean every disk? PAUL: since number one DAN: Good one mate. NATALIE: We just got our last reports from school this week DAN: Did ya? NATALIE: yes, have you still got yours? DAN: Yeah, over in my box in my cupboard NATALIE: go and get it DAN: Ok then, hang on, I'll have a fork through some stuff, hang on. NATALIE: Okay mine is good DAN: Good... hang on. NATALIE: okay i will DAN: I have found my one from when I was 17 at college. NATALIE: go on then DAN: Right, 1. 2. Daniel has a lot of work to do in these two units, he has the ability but lacks the motivation, gossips too much in class. 3. Daniel has a good attendance record, but still has work outstnading for this unit 4. Daniel has 2 assignments outstanding for this unit 5. Unit has only just commenced, but Daniel has already made a good start to the practical element of the unit, well done! 6. Unit only just commenced Work Placement: Daniel settled in very quickly, and proved himself to be a valuable asset to the department Tutors comment: Daniel has a a mountain to climb if he hopes to get his qualification! It would be such a shame if a boy with his ability wasted this year at college. NATALIE: not too good dan DAN: It wasn't. NATALIE: did you get your qualification DAN: Yes I did. I talk too much, agreed! You know what college life is like, still, I did get all my stuff handed in and passed which was the important bit. I'm like that always leaving stuff until the last minute, I have improved now though, I'm a good boy now. NATALIE: I wouldnt believe that you are a good boy for a minute DAN: Haha. Well.... ARNIE: You know these race gangs that go around and beat black and white people up, they say that they are just standing up for their race. DAN: Well, I know this is going to make me sound like a right 'protected from the world' boy here, but I have never ever seen any examples of racism with my own eyes, and in the area I live in we have a few black people, and every one treats each other with respect, be their black, white, asian, and there are two lesbians who live near me, and I get along fine with them. I have really nice neighbours, and every one on our street seem nice to me, I don't really know them that well who live on the other block of my street, or opposite me, I say hello to them if I walk past them, and there have never been any disputes that I am aware of in our street. It's a nice quiet suburban street. ARNIE: I know it is, nice street yours, so is mine. DAN: Yes OK. ARNIE: have you ever slept with a girl and it has never been a sexual thing? DAN: What do you mean by slept with? ARNIE: I mean it as I say it, fell asleep next to, or with DAN: Yeah, lots of times. Only last week a few of us were at a friends house, and a friend of mine called Kerry and I were on the couch and we both fell asleep, and woke up the next morning, my mate who owns the house was upstairs, every one else had gone home, apart from one guy zonked out on the floor in the corner of the room, we woke up I made us both a cup of coffee, and we watched the TV for a bit, and then my mate got up and we all went home. Nothing at all went on at all, I have done that lots of times with girls and nothing has ever gone on, or was even thought about. NATALIE: we`ll have to try that some day DAN: Haha. Unlikely! ARNIE: Is Thornaby still there or is it Stockton-south? DAN: Well the Thornaby signs are still there. ARNIE: are they? DAN: Yes, one at the end of the Victoria Bridge, just before Yale Crescent is still there, and the new road over the river a bit further up has a Thornaby sign. ARNIE: Yale Crescent where TFM is? DAN: Yep, was at TFM yesterday afternoon for 3 hours, and the sign is definately there. ARNIE: OK. STEVE: Speaking of TFM tell Tom Davies his shows cool DAN: OK, I've only seen him around a couple of times, but next time, I'll be sure to tell him that Steve Bradford from Northumberland likes his show, I'll walk over and just say that. STEVE: Is he alright? DAN: He's a good laugh yeah, I don't know him that well,but I've had a few conversations with him, I'm rarely at TFM these days, and when I am it's usually in the day time when he 'aint there. Never heard some one string so many F' words into a sentance as he can though, what a fine art! STEVE: Does he? DAN: Yes he does. It's F'ing this F'ing that, he can even string one into the time, "It's quater fast F'ing five"!! Brilliant! :) STEVE: Whats he look like DAN: Oh, do you really care? STEVE: Yeah i listen every night DAN: Oh, erm. Blonde hair, blue eyes (german looking :) quite tall, I reckon he looks like a slimmer, younger Ken Barlow from Corination Street, got a very similar face. STEVE: REALLY?! DAN: Yes. But don't tell any one I said that. STEVE: How old is he? DAN: 27 I think STEVE: That all, I thought he was about 40 DAN: No! I heard about his last birthday from a friend of mine at TFM, and that was some time towards the end of last year, so he will be 27 yeah. I haven't seen him for a few months though. STEVE: Nice one. DAN: Good. STEVE: What's Richard like? DAN: Richard Kell? STEVE: yeah DAN: Big fat lazy git. :) Only joking Richy! STEVE: Is he really that fat DAN: Not really, quite a well built lad, always has a red base ball cap on, and walks around in black T-shirts and black jeans, and trainers, munching dough-nuts you know the type. STEVE: I do. DAN: As for the majority of the readers who are reading this who haven't a clue who we're talking about, sorry! So we'll leave it there. STEVE: Okay NICK: Dan cheers for that CD you borrowed me, its bloody great! DAN: Good. ARNIE: What CD DAN: Dance Nations III, by Ministry of Sound ARNIE: Is that the follow up to The Annual DAN: Yeah it is, I have Annual 1 and 2 as well, but the new one is with out a doubt the best one yet. NICK: it is brilliant. DAN: Glad you liked it, mind you, no taping it! :) NICK: Would I? DAN: Haha. The thought never even entered your head did it? NICK: Hell, no! ARNIE: How much is it? DAN: I got it on promo, don't know how much it is to buy. ARNIE: Ok. I'm still hunting for a copy of Funk Phenomena, whens it out? DAN: Dunno. I've had it since summer 1996, I don't know when it gets a UK single release though, should be before the year is out. ARNIE: "Take a look at my girl friend!..." DAN: "She's the only one I've got..." ARNIE: "Not much of a girl friend...." DAN: "We never seem to get along!...." ARNIE: See Dan likes all them old shit songs DAN: Yeah :) ARNIE: I've finally heard that song you've been rambling on about since last Xmas. DAN: Which one? ARNIE: Braxtons, the boss DAN: Have you? Cool isn't it? ARNIE: Quite good yeh, is that out here yet? DAN: Due out at the end of the summer hopefully, about September time, with luck. NICK: Braxtons, any relation to Toni? DAN: Yeah, her (at the moment) less popular sisters, but when this tune comes out, I bet it'll take the UK charts by storm. NICK: Did your brother give you it back? DAN: Yeah, he found it. NICK: What is that other one you've had for ages that's released soon, "Around the world"? DAN: Around the world, by Daft Punk, yeah due out soon. It's been in my set for months though, quite a good dance tune. Not very imaginative lyrics like! NICK: "Around the world, around the world..." and thats it DAN: Yep. ARNIE: Don't know why you still get all this stuff, you dont even do clubs very often, you only did them about a year ago for six months DAN: Ah, contacts you see. ARNIE: Ok then. Dans got two 45s in his house DAN: I have I know. And a 33/45 which is crap. ARNIE: Would you know what to do in an accident? DAN: Yeah, I've took a St Johns Emergency aid course. ARNIE: How much are they? DAN: Free. ARNIE: Have you got the phone number? DAN: Interested eh? ARNIE: Yes, could come in handy DAN: Keep talking while I look through Digita Organiser for the number, I'll drag the screen down, so I can talk while it's loading, give us a sec. ARNIE: Alright then, Nick hows your foot? NICK: Fine no thanks to you! PAUL: what happened? NICK: He dropped a paving slab on my foot! PAUL: ouch! NICK: Your saying ouch!! ARNIE: But you didnt it was along the lines of, you stupid ****ing bastard! NICK: worse i think ARNIE: I know, it was an accident they were in the way and I was moving the paving slab and i dropped it and it fell, sorry! NICK: I'll have to live the rest of my life with a deformed foot DAN: Doesn't matter to you any way, you can't see 'em. NICK: Oh hardy ha! :-( DAN: Haha, sorry Nick. Right, here we go, number for the St John's Ambulence saftey courses: FREECALL: 0500 099 909 ARNIE: Thanks mate, ill just right it down DAN: OK, you go and RIGHT (sic) it down then :) ARNIE: I have. NICK: Dan tell them who is here next conference DAN: Oh yeah, we are doing another special conference next week OK, to make the count on Best of Page upto 10 conferences, so I've lined up, are you ready? BIG WENDY ARNIE: That fat cow?!!! DAN: Haha, yeah, she's gone and bought a stinky old PC, and she sits there slobbering over it until 6AM on the internet, so since she has a modem, I was telling her about this, and she asked if she could join in. ARNIE: And you said alright?!!! Have you gone mad DAN: I told her to tone the language down. ARNIE: Ok DEB: I like her shes funny DAN: I know, she's flattened some grass in her time, poor girl. STEVE: By BIG wendy do you mean shes fat? DAN: Yes, it wasn't meant smuttily STEVE: Not saying she had big ones DAN: No, chests don't interest me, wouldn't make up a stupid name like that, unless she was a big fat beast, which she is. ARNIE: That said, she doesnt mind you calling her that at all, shes got a great sence of humour DAN: I know, I wouldnt say it if it upset her. It's all jokingly said. Right that's it ladies and gentlemen. ARNIE: right. DAN: Thanks for joining us Paul PAUL: No problem, thanks for letting me be here, its been nice talking to you lot. DAN: Nice one. We'll do it again some time. PAUL Bye Dan DAN: ByeOK the rest of you bugger off NICK: Since you said it so nicely how can I argue, and I bet you did a shit delay exit! DAN: It was nice and clean!, only missed a space you picky sod. :) NICK: Sorry. DAN: Can't be bothered to say good bye to the rest of you, bugger off. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----PAGE