/\/\PAGE/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Happy happy happy happy talk, talk about things you.... ahem!  Hello.
... cough.... erm.... <BLUSH>, right time to talk.

Tonights line up is as ever:

First the worst.. no that's not right.  First is me, Dan Wood on my
A3000T again today because my CD³² is not set up to the phone, it's
upstairs.

Second the best?  No!  Arnie Finen at work, doing sod all... it's a hard
life.  Using an A4000/060T, which he makes sure I list the full title,
A4000/060T, poser.

Third.. oh sod this.  Nick on his A1200 in his stinking pit (his bedroom)
and more than likely stuffing his face

Remember Steve?  Looks like he has become a regular now because he is
all A1200 geared up, connected to the phone and going to join in, as if we
can stop him!

And even though it is unfair that I list Deb at the end of the list, because
she has been here longer than Steve.  Well.... I don't care really!  Deb on
an A500, which is my old Amiga still in the spare room at home.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

DAN: We're ready!

ARNIE: are we saving?

DAN: Yup!

NICK: Is this thing on? gv tgvv vyvug.  Just giving the keyboard a bang
to make sure.

DAN: Don't fill it with crap, it works (probably be filled with crap
any way)

STEVE: What about me?

DAN: Yes Steve you're awake.

STEVE: I cant wait!

DAN: Deb your cue!

DEB: yes

DAN: Well don't sound too enthusiastic :(

DEB: sorry i wasnt watching are you ready now

DAN: No

DEB: okay

DAN: Yes we are Debbie... WAKE UP!!!

STEVE: Debs!

DEB: hi steve

DAN: Right, first of all let's find out if Deb has any one with her?

DEB: yes i do

DAN: oooooh, isn't this exciting?  Who is it then?

DEB: your admirer

DAN: Heehee, who?

ARNIE: Narrow it down a bit!!

DEB: your best girl friend

DAN: Right. (Woooooo)

DEB: natalie

DAN: Wait there.  Right just banged my head off the wall.

DEB: i have already set up the key

DAN: Let's see if it works then

NATALIE: hello

ARINE: Hi Natalie!

NICK: hello

STEVE: hi

NATALIE: hiya

DAN: ahem... hello Natalie.

NATALIE: Wow hi

DAN: Hahaha!  What?  WOW?

NATALIE: sorry is sexy a better name

DAN: I shouldn't have opened my mouth

NATALIE: i wish you would

DAN: Haha, really?  Erm... enough said! :@

NATALIE: hello then sexy

DAN: Hi.

ARNIE: Hey, sexy, mind if I kick off

DAN: I'm going to kick off in a sec!!

ARNIE: Right let me start

DAN: Hang on, always forget to do this

ARNIE: do what?

DAN: Press this button.

ARNIE: Which button?

DAN: This one!

*******/\/\/\/\PAGE/\/\/\/\*******

Go on big man!

ARNIE: I dont like to boast or any thing!  Which button?

DAN: Aww.. you shmuck!  And I've done it now, you can't see it.

ARNIE: Sorry sexy.

DAN: Ermmmm.. right..... are you going to start?  (Getting very suspect!)

ARNIE: Heard the new vandalism rule?

DAN: Which one?

ARNIE: it has only been introduced this week here.  It is only in one
town.  In Middleton St George parents have to now pay for any damage that
their kids might cause if they do spray painting or smashing things up.

DAN: Good.

ARNIE: Yeah so no argument?

DAN: Well how can I argue?  I agree

ARNIE: oh well

DAN: But the thing that you have to remember is that the vast majority of
vandalism.  As in spray paint damage and smashing up stuff in a park etc.
Very few of these are caught in the act.  The only way in which they could
do any thing is if they have reliable witnesses.  But would witnesses be
willing to come forward and say things, or "grass" on a big gang who might
be smashing and vandalising a park or town centre?  Sadly there are a lot
who wouldn't say anything, and I can understand their reasoning behind not
coming forward.

ARNIE: some of those counsil estates can be rough

DAN: But they are not all from Council areas, there are some from private
estates as well.

ARNIE: Sexy, can I give some thing a plug

DAN: Depends.  And you are becoming VERY suspect Arnie!

ARNIE: Depends on what?   And I was joking (give us a kiss!)

DAN: If you wanted to give a prostitute line a plug then you can't.  I hope
you were joking as well. (sod off)

ARNIE: No only a few drug dealers

DAN: Oh, yes totally acceptable then :)

ARNIE: No it's just a local Football school

DAN: Go on then.

ARNIE: A soccer school for boys and girls ages 7-15 will be held in
Darlington Queen Elizabeth six form college in half-term.  From Feb 17-20
and provides training from pros.  Costs only £18 and maybe repeated through
out the year depending on how well this one does.  You can call
Ian Leckie on 01325 381972 for info

DAN: Right.

ARNIE: Thanks

DAN: Where is your involvement in this?

ARNIE: No where I just thought it sounded a good cause

NICK: football clubs first, but Dan trust me, give Arnie space for free
ads and he'll start!

DAN: Well....

STEVE: I hate football

DAN: What, to play or to watch?

STEVE: Both it is so boring.  Where is the attraction in kicking a rubber
ball around a field

DAN: A leather ball.

STEVE: leather then

DAN: I can watch a game of football and find it reasonably enjoyable.  I
don't follow any specific teams any more, but I do not get these people
where football is their life, there's so much prejudice in the football
world.

NICK: Tell them to go out and get an Amiga

DAN: Yes, quite, get a life... hee hee.

ARNIE: What team did you support Dan?

DAN: About 4/5 years ago when I was at school I liked Middlesbrough, but then
I realised I couldn't be bothered with it all.  It sounds crazy but there is
a massive discrimintation around the country with football, and I don't want
to be involved in that.

ARNIE: There is lots of scrap ups that start over footie

DAN: Yeah I know, hang on just need to check something,  girls you there ?!

DEB: yes

DAN: You hadn't typed for so long that your number went off my
title bar, I thought I'd lost you (wishful thinking)

DEB: im here

DAN: I bring you on here to join in, don't just sit there and talk to
her

DEB: excuse me

DAN: OK you're excused, but don't talk to her talk to us.

DEB: i have just been watching for a while

DAN: No you haven't!  I'll put £50 down now, the betting is that you
and her have been talking to each other and ignoring the screen.

DEB: no

DAN: Alright what did we talk about?

DEB: foot ball

DAN: And?

DEB: dont know

DAN: See.  I know you better than you think!

DEB: sorry it wont happen again then

DAN: Good!!!   You're in a strange mood today

DEB: i have a bad head ache

DAN: Take some tablets then.  Get out of "stoppy cow mode" :)

DEB: your stroppy

DAN: I know, it was a figure of speach.

DEB: good i hope so.

ARNIE: Seen those new writable CD-ROM drives?  For 500 pound?

DAN: Yes, well worth it.  Can't remember who makes them though

ARNIE: It makes a big change from a few years ago when they cost
about 5 grand for a CD burner.

DAN: That drive can burn audio CDs as well!

ARNIE: yeah

NICK: I wouldnt kick a writable CD-ROM out of the desk.

DAN: Ha!  Right Nick :)

ARNIE: Did you see Panorama the other night?

DAN: No I don't watch it

ARNIE: They said that boys who have mothers that work full time stand a
larger chance of failing exams.

DAN: Why?

ARNIE: They said because there mothers weren't there when they get in to
make them do home work and stuff.

DAN: Well there is the encouragement factor.  Every body knows that most
kids would rather go out and play than do their home work, but they know
that they have to put in the work to get far.  You can't put the blame on
the mother too much, but it will be more active if the mother is there
nagging them at tea time to tell them to do their home work.

ARNIE: funny how it only said boys

DAN: Yeah.  But statistics prove that girls on a whole get better exam
results.  Don't know why!

DEB: we grow up faster

DAN: Don't know about that...

ARNIE: But the mothers could still give them help when they get in from
work.

DAN: Yeah, but some work out of 'normal' hours.  My mam and dad both worked when I
was at school and I have done OK for my self, and my exams were about right.
 Not all straight A's (I got 1 A :), but I passed about 6/10 which suited
me, but because of the industry I work in, qualifications mean nothing, but
they are there should I ever move on.  But mothers must be tired when they
get in.  They can still do stuff, like help the child with some writing,
maybe tell them in the morning to do the homework, and when they come in
ask to see it.

DEB: I hate doing home work but do it

DAN: Good, and why?

DEB: because you need them to get a good job

DAN: Yes, exactly.  We live in a dog eat dog world (excuse the metaphor)
every one competing with each other, so to stand a chance you need to have
some proof that you are good.  No point in being the best mathematician in
the world unless you have proof written down in the form of examination
results.

DEB: mam and dad still work now and I am doing okay

DAN: Yeah.  Mum works for about 4 hours a day, from about 3PM till
7.  But my dad works full 9 until about 6, so when Debs gets in my parents
aren't usually there, but I live very close, and I go around nearly every
day to do a few stuff at home (like getting my mam to iron my shirts... :)
, and she gets her friends around, there are people around most of the time.
And she is old enough to look after her self.

DEB: what we do is get together with friends and do homework together

DAN: Yeah, that is good because then you have help from people who were also
in the class at the time.  Because it is very difficult to remember
everything that went on in a lesson, each of you will remember different
bits and if you all chip in then it will be better for you all.

STEVE: I did crap at school and now I have left I have gone on to college
to get some grades.

DAN: The point being?

STEVE:  if I had concentrated more at school then I would have saved
time going to college and doing extra courses for GCSE re-sits.

DAN: Yeah.

STEVE: I know sDF2:conferences/delay/buildup.txt ery crap and he gave up you
shouldn't do that.

DAN: Don't give her full name away she wouldn't be pleased.  Sorry for
the blank 34 character gap readers.

STEVE: Sorry

DAN: Oh, piece of crap!  It was a path! Wait there.  I'll set it up again.  Hang on,
it didn't even go back in properly.

ARNIE: OK

DAN: Right... give it a bash.... another one..... re-insert the disk....
right.  *******/\/\/\/\PAGE/\/\/\/\*******  Great!

NATALIE: having trouble with your equipment

DAN: erm, yes.  I've fixed it now though.

NATALIE: did you find out who Deb is going out with?

DAN: Yes I did.

NATALIE: she says you dont

DAN: Damn, I can't get past you can I?

NATALIE: if you want

DAN: I'm saying nothing.

NATALIE: i wont go any further

DAN: Please don't!    No, she won't tell me still.

DEB: i thought you could find out any thing

DAN: I'll find out you wait.  One way or another.  Why won't you just tell
me?!!!!!

DEB: because it annoys you

NICK: Your own fault for being such a nosy sod

DAN: That is a good way to piss me off.  You seeked revenge for all the
years, you don't know how much it get's to you, wondering.

DEB: after the coffee incident you wont ever know

DAN: Ha ha ha!  Sorry Deb.  That was SOOOOOO funny!!! :)

STEVE: is he dreadful

DEB: i know

ARNIE: He is.

STEVE: Dan, if I had a sexy girl for a sister I wouldn't knock a drink all
over her.

DAN: I wondered when this would start.  Getting flirty again.

STEVE: I can get flirty.

DAN: Me too, and smutty, how's your bum?

STEVE: What!!  Fine.

DAN: Just making conversation.

NICK: Now who is sounding suspect?!

DAN: Hahaha, sorry didn't mean it like THAT!

ARNIE: While I was looking through some stuff today I found a Attraction
survey which I thought would some in handy here this afternoon.

DAN: Oh no... go on then.

ARNIE: I thought I would ask Natalie the questions.

DAN: Did you really?

NATALIE: go on ask me

ARNIE: Alright.  first question.

1) What do you find most physically attractive on a boy (3 things)

NATALIE: i can think of some answers for that!  Really it is probably
eyes and face and he has to be cute

ARNIE: Right.  Next,

2) What do you find the most attractive in terms of personality

NATALIE: i like a cute guys with a good sense of humour.

ARNIE: Right.  What would your ideal date look like?

NATALIE: black hair brown eyes and look really sexy.  Sound familiar dan

DAN: No.... I don't know any one like that :)

NATALIE i mean you

DAN: Good, now I have to convince people I didn't pay you to say that. ;)

ARNIE: A stupid question, but:

A) Do you have a dream date in mind?

and

B) Would you describe them as

1) ugly
2) not too good looking
3) average
4) attractive
5) very attractrive
6) drop dead gorgeous

NATALIE: you guessed  6

STEVE: Dan doesn't know a good thing when he sees it.

DAN: **sigh***

ARNIE: More surveys here, Dan, would ever do it on a first date?

DAN: What, you mean sex?

ARNIE: yes

DAN: No.

STEVE: I would

DAN: I know you would.

ARNIE: i might depending on several things.

DAN: Which are?

ARNIE: How much drink I had in me :-), and how attracted to her I was.

NICK: I dont think I would

DAN: You never will any way! :)

NICK: sod off

DAN: ooooh.  :)

NATALIE: i wouldnt on a first date either

DAN: I don't sleep around, no reason to.

ARNIE: But the truth be known wouldn't some men take it if it was offered
on a first date?

DAN: Some would yes, so would some women.  But I think it
is best to actually get to know what type of person they are first.  I mean
there are as many male slappers out there as there are female slappers.

ARNIE: Whip!

DAN: Ouch!

ARNIE: Dan always plays hard to get dont you?

DAN: You want to know why?

NATALIEL yes i do!

DAN: Well because it helps you know!  Really.  Let me explain.  Some women
think that they could have a man if they wanted him.  You've seen them in
the clubs looking around choosing who they think are nice.  And if they
think they can have you, and you tell them to sod off, they try harder and I
seem to like it more that way, and it can be very funny to watch.
I'm a teaser by nature you see, and I think it's funny (sad I know ) Second,
if a woman thinks that she can't have the man, she is going to do her
best to try and convince the world that she can, you know what I mean,
"sod the world.  I can bloody well have him".  And it can be hillarious to
see some of the lengths that they go to.  Trust me, try it.

NATALIE: thats not very nice. Am i funny to watch?

DAN: Yeah :)

ARNIE: Dan has got some REALLY attractive women by doing that haven't you?

DAN: Yes, but looks attract people in the first place, but
personality shines through very quickly and looks all but dissapear
after a few weeks.

STEVE: So strange that it is true some guys get all the luck.

DAN: It's not luck.  You need to try different things, most of all
don't be desperate either, nothing that turns me off more than a girl
who is desperate.  Then again, I might have been out with a few, but
they've all ended, so must be doing something wrong.

STEVE: interesting I will give that some thought.

DAN: Do that.

ARNIE: You think so in depth for you age.  Bollocks just got fag ash
on my keyboard

DAN: Ha ha.

STEVE: I need some one to practise my girl thoughts on

DAN: indeed

STEVE: Deb, what you doing tommorow?

DAN: No no no!  Look you went and offered, you don't do that.  If
you tell her to sod off she'll be begging you in 6 weeks. :) Hehehehe!!

DEB: begging?

STEVE: she knows now though

DAN: Oh yeah.

STEVE: Damn, and she is the best looking girl I've ever seen.

DAN: You can't have seen many then, ahaha!

DEB: dan shut up

DAN: Ha ha.  I was joking Deb, I'm sorry.  Revenge is sweet.

NATALIE: so are you

DAN: Thanks

STEVE: What percentage of women does the sod off approach get

DAN: Doesn't 'get', it can attract.

STEVE: Why do you wait for them to ask any way?

DAN: Well the truth be known I am quite a shy person.  So I can't really
bring my self to go over to a woman I have never met and start chatting her
up.   So I let them come to me, and sometimes I might hope "Oh, she's
nice, I hope she comes over to me" and she will and I'll be very pleased.
Even though I'm shaking in my boots then :)

ARNIE: This is so interesting.  It does work a bit. I tried that
theory a while ago and I must say that I have had more women recently, it
does seem to work.  Where did you get it from?  A woman tell you the secret?

DAN: No, it works either way I bet, a woman could do the same with a man,
it's a subconcious thing with humans.

STEVE: Wow.

NATALIE: i liked for ages any way

DAN: Well you didn't meet me through normal channels, if you know what I
mean.

NATALIE: i liked you from the first time I saw you.

DAN: really?

NATALIE: yes

ARNIE: Why?

NATALIE: he is just incredibly cute.

DAN: There's that word again... cute.  Do you want to baby sit me or
something?

NATALIE: no

DAN: right (I'm all embarrassed now).

ARNIE You know that SPICE song I showed you before, do you want to
see the rumour part of the Spice Girls hate page?

DAN: sure

ARNIE:

Scandals

The Truth Might Be In Here...

But It Might Not...

I think that it's time that this page began to have an impact outside
the Internet.  So, this part of the site is for all your intriguing
and possibly true stories about the Spice Girls.

I'm prepared for lots of Emails saying 'who cares?'.


                      THE SPICE GIRLS ARE SPLITTING UP!

Well, one day anyway...

First off, we have their previous professions.  It has been said that
three of the Spice Girls used to be lap dancers.  Not particularly bad
I suppose but is it true?  By the way, because their dance routines are
dreamed up by a professional choreographer,

*******/\/\/\/\PAGE/\/\/\/\*******ust watch the beginning of
Wannabe.  The 'sophisticated' one seems to be very well practised in
the art of car stopping...  

The Spice Girls are all actually members of Mensa, with an average IQ
between them of 194.  They originally began their career singing about
advanced algabraeic equations but found that the success was limited.

Is it true that when one of the Spice Girls was younger, they became
pregnant?  Apparently, the baby was aborted and the father scared off by
some brothers of a Spice Girl.  Hmm, do any of them look like they used
to or indeed still do sleep around?

Of course Geri has posed naked, and what a good example of girl power
that was, but what of the others.  On a scandinavian TV show, the Spice
Girls were apparently asked if they would pose naked on TV for a large
sum of money.

One of them was about to say yes until another butted in and Started
jabbering about Girl Power.

Does Mel C have breast implants?  Actually, which one is Mel C, hmm never
mind about that one...

DAN: Very strange.  That last comment though, I don't think do.

STEVE: is Mel C the sporty one

DAN: Yes, and she isn't the biggest girl in the world if you know what
I mean.

ARNIE: More than likely.

DAN: Again, we have to say that was all in good humour, none of them
are true people.

STEVE: I reckon

DAN: oh good, honest Spicey lawyers!

STEVE: Deb did you get him back for the coffee yet?

DEB: no but i will

DAN: Yes, of course you will, come on you wimp.

DEB: i will

DAN: What are you going to do?

DEB: i dont know yet

DAN: Well I'll be trembling in my boots until then :) hahaha :/

STEVE: I dont like the :/ what is that

DAN: Well put your head to the side, it represents a mood, that
one being a sarcastic face : eyes / mouth.  I could do a full one
with a nose :-/, see?

STEVE: I KNOW WHAT A SMILEY IS!  I just didnt know that one

DAN: well you do now.

STEVE: If I threw coffee on my sister she would kick me in but she is 26
I suppose.

DAN: Yeah, your sister has a deeper voice than me! :)

STEVE: you cheeky arse

DAN: Only joking.  Deb couldn't "kick me in".

DEB: dont count on it

DAN: A threat eh?  Ha ha.  You just go back to being you and stop acting
hard it doesn't suit you at all.

STEVE: I am going to get Deb a birth day card

DAN: It's not until August!

STEVE: so?

DEB: thanks steve, more than I get off dan

DAN: I'm sorry I didn't get around to it last year.

DEB: christmas?

DAN: No card?  Oh yeah, I must have forgot.

STEVE: God, what type of brother are you?

DAN: A busy one. :)  I did get her cards really!

DEB: i know you did, all strange ones as well

DAN: Indeed.

ARNIE: Dan since we have been on the subject.  I watched Riki Lake before
and it was all about best friends who fancy their mates brother or sister.

DAN: Ricki Lake?

ARNIE: Yeah, apparently it is quite common

DAN: It is very common actually.

ARNIE: Why?

DAN: I haven't got a clue.

NATALIE: i would still like you if i wasnt Debs friend

DAN: You wouldn't even know me.

ARNIE: What you said last issue about her growing out of it because it is a
phase, there were women on there about 25 years old who still felt the same.

DAN: Really?

ARNIE: Yeah, and the women all asked the men out and both of them said OK

DAN: Oh.

NATALIE: so if I still feel the same next year are you going to?

DAN: Hahaha.

NATALIE: go on

DAN: Hahahaha.

ARNIE: They also said that it can tear the friends apart.

DAN: I know it could.  The thing I don't get is how on earth Natalie
could ever get that far because I hardly know her.

ARNIE: So Natalie do you just fancy him, or love him or what?

NATALIE: i just think he is cute

ARNIE: You just fancy him.  OK

DAN: That is the most common type.

ARNIE: But girls often go for the slightly older man don't they?

DAN: Not always, no.

ARNIE: But Deb said last week she knows about 10 people who like you, is it
because of the older boy thing?

NATALIE: it is because i got to meet him through deb and the first time i
saw him i thought wow hes gorgeous.

ARNIE: OK, just curious

DAN: Right let's dump that now it's boring me.

ARNIE: Alright my next subject is short, a genalogical disability.  What
do you think of this.  If a parent has say, a learning disbility is that
likely to be passed on to their kids?

DAN: No.  My dad has dyslexia, neither me or Deb, or my brother
have it.  It is just one of those things.  Deb can do all the
punctuation and spelling correctly, she just never does on here for
some reason.

DEB: Alright is that better Dan, I'll do it properly for this bit.

DAN: Yes.

DEB: no i cant be bothered this keyboard is complicated

DAN: Didn't think so.  But since I was about 4 I have had hayfever
in the summer months (usually from August to September), and I get a
touch of athsma in those months, and it used to get quite serious some
times, but I am ready for it this year, when summer comes around I have a
spare inhaler in my cupboard just in case.

ARNIE: Dan got any funny stories?

DAN: Loads.  Want to hear a really funny one?

ARNIE: shoot

DAN: Ahem!  Alright.  Bosses at Edinbrough castle hired a woman to show
foreign visitors around.  Apparently this woman was a massive 44GG size
around the chest (!!), and she was showing a group of Chinese tourists
around.  But they completely ignored the tour and were amazed at her, two of
the visitors even asked the woman if they could kiss them because they had
never seen them that big before!  True i swear!

ARNIE: Bloody hell, 44GG.  Urrhhh!

DAN: A bit big yes

STEVE: a bit?

DAN: Alright grotesquely big

STEVE: More than a handfull there!

DAN: She'll suffer from back troubles later on.

ARNIE: Heard that Diane Blood got to use have a baby using her husbands
fluids.

DAN: Yeah, nice way of saying sperm.  "fluids".

NICK: Good to hear that the law was changed.

DAN: Good in her terms, but it isn't always right to bend the law.  Change it OK,
it has been changed and good for her.  But you could see why they didn't do
it before it was changed, they weren't allowed.  It wasn't the hospital's
fault.

NICK: which did get a lot of the blame at the time.

STEVE: By the way when do I get my royalties for my stuff appearing
here?

DAN: Erm, never.  Everything you say is copyrighted by us to we can do
what we want with it.

STEVE: I was only joking you know

DAN: I gathered that.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

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NICK: Heard the Brit awards approach soon. What was your best single of
the year?

DAN: Oooh hard choice.  You mean a chart hit, because I have loads of
exclusive dance stuff on LP that isn't due out for months.

NICK: Stuff that was in the top 40

DAN: Over the last year.  Erm... Get Up Everybody by Byron Stingily is
a very strange song, I don't know how it works but it does.  I like
Your Woman by White Town which I have had since the end of 1996, even
though it was ripped.  I like a few, Lighthouse Family do lots of good
stuff, Jamiroquai - Cosmic Girl is cool, Wrong - Everything But The
Girl, and Robert Miles - One and One, I like some chart songs yes.

NICK: I like No Woman No Cry by Fugees.

DEB: you gave me the robert miles cd.

DAN: Did I?...  That's right, I had 3 of them.

STEVE: Why did you buy it 3 times?

DAN: I don't buy them, I get them sent on what is known as 'promo' for free.

ARNIE: You like Wrong by ETBG?  Missing - is better.

DAN: I am one of the few people who prefer "Wrong" it
is a much better song.

STEVE: Our music teacher at school used to force us to listen to
Classical stuff all lesson long.  Arrhh!

DEB: we dont have music now

DAN: Well I remember music at school, it was soooo boring.

STEVE: I never understood it so I just ignored it

DAN: Did you ask when you didn't understand?

STEVE: No I never used to ask in lesson

DEB: i dont either

DAN: Oh I always did.  I remember if I didn't get something I would
always stop and ask, and the class used to go "oohh no", but I wanted
to know if I didn't get it.  But no one got it I bet, so I was doing them a
favour.

ARNIE: Me too.

STEVE: When did you leave school Dan

DAN: Erm... about 1993 I think.

STEVE: You could still pass for 18

DAN: Hello?  What?

STEVE: I'm saying you could pass for an 18 yr old.

DAN: Do I?  Well I'm only a year and a bit older than that.

ARNIE: Did you know that it has been revealed that the average age
for people to start having sex is 13 years old!

DAN: I saw that, you seen the EUA Survey?  I was older than that, only
by a bit though :)

ARNIE: Yeah.  I got a copy of a friend.

DAN: So did I, before it was released, I photocopied it before it
was legally allowed (slapped wrists!).   I've got it upstairs.

ARNIE: I've got it next to me.  The average brit has sex once
a week.

DAN: Once a week, every week?

ARNIE: And it says 16 out of every 100 people are virgins.

DAN: Yes, well they say that but unlikely it's true that.  How many people
would admit it, the people they ask nearly all say that they have.

ARNIE: So you think people have been shitting us?

DAN: Yes, if you want to put it like that.  According to that we
have the earliest age to start and the least amount of virgins
from the entire European community.  Maybe it is because people in the
UK have more of a pressure to say they have.

ARNIE: HHmmmm, yes.

DAN: Hey, you were on about the funny stories.  what about this:

The day after the revocation of his death sentence, a convicted murderer
sat down on a damp toilet seat (why?!) to watch TV (!) while wearing a pair
of faulty home made headphones and accidently electrocuted himself.

Strange that, headphones only have about 9V going through them, why was the
toilet seat wet (?!!) and if he was watching TV while sitting on the toilet
(very strange in itself), why was he wearing headphones if he was watching
TV?

ARNIE: Good points.

DAN: Cruel, but the warped human sense of humour finds it amusing.
More ironic than anything else.

Such as the Islamic bus company that decided to gender-segregate their
busses, incase men and women brush each other.

ARNIE: Why?

DAN: They did it with a supermarket cue as well.

ARNIE: Why?

DAN: Well to avoid any amoral fraternisation while people were waiting
was what I heard.  Twisted or what?

ARNIE: Ha ha ha, what dick heads.

DAN: But was the men or the women's shopping line longer?

ARNIE: Why stop people brushing against each other, so if I walked
past and my shoulder touched a woman's arm then I would be in trouble.

STEVE: I can see a bit of a point if they mean, you know.

DAN: Because of the way the human body is designed, in a confined place
like a bus, when it is packed it is very easy to accidently do thing like
that Steve.  I haven't used a bus for a few years, but they do
get very crowded at times.

STEVE: they do

DEB: when I go to school in the mornings there is always loads of people
on.  The drivers have to turn people away.  I always get a seat because i
get on when the journey starts before the crowds get on.

DAN: Yeah.

DEB: if you give me a lift every day though you know

DAN: Bugger off.  I'm not getting up at half eight every day.  I sleep
till dusk!

DEB: oh well

STEVE: What time did you get up today?

DAN: About 4 PM

DEB: he is a vampire

DAN: I was out till 4.30 AM, and I didn't go to bed 'til 7 AM

DEB: if you stay up an extra two hours then you could

DAN: Sod off.

DEB: you

DAN: I nearly said something stronger then (!), lucky for you I said
sod.  But you can't blame a girl for trying eh?

DEB: no

STEVE: Dont be cruel to deb

DAN: Well.

DEB: thanks Steve

STEVE: Its alright Deb

DAN: You pansy

STEVE: Am not!

DAN: Why you sucking up then?

STEVE: Well, because I fancy the socks off her!

DAN: Ha ha, well... fair enough.

DEB: i didnt have my hopes too high

DAN: Good

ARNIE: Please sir can I have some goats?

DAN: Are you taking any thing?

ARNIE: no

DAN: You should be, see a doctor.

ARNIE: I have!

DAN: Good.  Right that's it for another day.

STEVE: Already?

DAN: Well it's nearly 30K!

STEVE: OK

DAN: Bye Steve

STEVE: Bye Dan and see you later Deb (love you) bye Arnie and Nick

DEB: bye steve

NICK: Bye Stevie

ARNIE: bye bye

DAN: Arnie say good byes

ARNIE: Bye all

DAN: Nick, see ya

NICK: bye everyone

DAN: Right, done.

DEB: what about me

DAN: Oh, sorry.  I forgot, bye Deb.  See you on Monday afternoon, I'll
pick you up and we'll go at about 4 alright?!

DEB: right bye Dan

DAN: Take care.

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