Acquaintance - a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but
    not well enough to lend to.
***
Advertising - the fine art of making you think you have longed for
    something all your life that you never heard of before.
***
America - the only country in the world where it takes more brains
    to make out an income tax return than it does to make the income.
***
An alibi - legal proof that a person wasn`t where they were, and
    therefore couldn`t have done what they did.
***
An expert - someone who can take something you already know and make
    it sound confusing.
***
Antique - anything your great grandparents bought, your parents threw
    away as useless, and your children buy back at a ridiculous price.
***
Baby sitter - a teenager who behaves like an adult, while the adults
    are out behaving like teenagers.
***
Ballroom dancing - the art of getting your feet out of the way faster
    than your partner can step on them.
***
Bank - a financial institution where you can borrow money if you can
    present sufficient evidence to show that you don`t need it.
***
Childhood - that wonderful period when all you need to do to lose
    weight is take a bath.
***
Chivalry - when a man picks up a girl`s handkerchief, even if she`s
    not pretty.
***
Christmas - a time for exchanging a lot of things you can`t afford
    for a lot of things you don`t want.
***
Committee - a group of the unfit, appointed by the unwilling, to do
    the unnecessary.
***
Communist - a fellow who is willing to share his thirst and hunger
    with your beer and sandwich.
***
Confidence - that quiet, absolutely assured feeling you have just
    before you fall flat on your face.
***
Courtship - that early period during which both parties decide whether
    or not they could do any better.
***
Death - life`s answer to the question "Why?".
***
Executive ability - the much maligned art of getting credit for other
    people`s hard work.
***
Inflation - when a counterfeiter buys ink, paper, a printing press, and
    runs off as much money as he can - and loses money on the deal.
***
Intuition - that gift which enables a woman to arrive instantly at an
    infallible, irrevocable decision without reason, judgement, or
    discussion.
***
Irony - when you buy a suit with two pairs of pants, and then burn a
    hole in the coat.
***
Middle age - when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change
    places.
***
Mini-skirts : fifty years ago "halfway to the knees" meant from the
    ground up, not from the shoulders down.
***
Old age - when you feel like the morning after the night before, and
    you haven`t been anywhere.
***
Where do clothing stores get those trick mirrors that make your old
    clothes look shabby?
***