Auntie Em.  Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.  Dorothy.
 
We're staying together for the sake of the cats.
 
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
 
My karma ran over your dogma.
 
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
 
This is not an abandoned vehicle.
 
I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
 
It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
 
If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.
 
Life's too short to dance with ugly women.
 
My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to
leave me.  Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
 
When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like
the IRS.
 
I is a college student.
 
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
 
Beer isn't just for breakfast anymore.
 
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
 
Eschew obfuscation.
 
Will Rogers never met a lawyer.
 
Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of
a milk carton.
 
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
 
Is there life before coffee?
 
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
 
Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.
 
Cover me.  I'm changing lanes.
 
The weather is here.  Wish you were beautiful.
 
I Cayman went.
 
My other wife is beautiful.
 
I need someone really bad.  Are you really bad?
 
Don't laugh.  Your daughter could be in this vehicle.
 
Nuke the unborn baby whales.
 
Geez if you love Honkus.
 
Save California; when you leave, take someone with you.
 
I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
 
There is one in every crowd, and they always find me.
 
If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
 
When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger.
 
Just when you think you've won the rat race, along come
faster rats.
 
If it's too loud, you're too old.
 
Wink, I'll do the rest.
 
The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.
 
An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one
blade of grass and not fall off the earth.
 
Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the
value of nothing.
 
Who cares who's on board.
 
No radio.  Already stolen.
 
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
 
Want a taste of religion?  Bite a minister.
 
Carlsbad Caverns: 22 percent more cavities.
 
Flying saucers are real; the Air Force doesn't exist.
 
I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you
would rather be.
 
So many pedestrians, so little time.
 
If you don't wear a turban and don't ride a camel, you ain't
Shiite.