030030
  p h o n e      l o s e r s     o f     a m e r i c a   
͵
                         Completed On May 13, 1995                          
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 For Informational Purposes Only. We're Not Responsible For Your Stupidity. 
030030

Introduction - RBCP:
-------------------
Well, PLA030 is finally out. After getting a few ka-zillion pieces of mail and
a few phone calls asking "So when's the next PLA coming out?" I know why ErikB
is always complaining about that. It's not annoying exactly, just kind of 
repetitive. 

Third party billing was disabled on my phone line a couple months ago for some
reason, meaning I can no longer make calls anywhere in the United States and
third party billing it to someone else, not that I would actually ever try a
stunt like that. That's ripping off MaHell and that's wrong. But this month I
got my phone bill and it was well over $300 in back charges because of third
party charges originating from my home. Well, I called the phone company and
they seem to think I'M the victim here and were more than happy to remove the
charges from my bill, god bless them. So, when trying out the activities out-
lined in PLA005, remember, I got backbilled. (Even though they removed all of
the charges...)

I also heard another story from Mike in Portland, Oregon about some idiot that
billed to the same number over and over and over and of course AT&T didn't
like this and billed him for the calls. Worse yet, he was billing to a non-
working number in Canada, something like 514-xxx-1234. Not too bright. Anyway,
I have a good excuse for being so "late" in releasing this PLA that's about
nothing in particular. I had a problem when, while walking down the street, a
teenage motorist and his friends passed by in their Camero and all screamed,
scaring the shit out of me and making part of my Big Gulp shoot up out of my
nose.

Luckily, in all the confusion I was able to see their license plate number and
write it down. I walked over to the pay phone and called the local police 
department, got transferred around and finally talked to a lady who was nice
enough to give me the name and address registered with the car.
  "Corpus Christi Police Department..."
  "Hi, this is Bill with the Quickee Mart over on Charlton Street. I called
yesterday about a gas drive off here for a total of $83.71 and I was promised
the name and address on this license plate but I haven't heard anything yet.
The damn sumbitch filled up his boat, camper, truck and three wheeler and 
took off. Now can you check this plate number for me?"

After a little more pursuading she finally gave me the information I needed.
With temperatures rising into the 100's that day, I drug myself over to a
nearby hospital to use their inside pay phones. While the lady left the front
desk for a few minutes, I grabbed her chair so I could sit down to use my 
phone. Looking at my watch, I saw that I needed to be at my job in ten minutes
but fuck it, I was on a roll.

The address I was given by the CCPD was in Manistique, Michigan. I made a few
calls to 906 information and LACs and the Manistique billing office to find out
that the owner of the nice Camero was actually this little rich brat's daddy
and that his son, Dale, was just down here on Spring Break. Finding his 
alternative number on their phone account was the dad's work number, I gave
him a call at Century 21 where he worked.
  "Century 21, this is Linda."
  "Yeah, could I speak with Mr. Tullar?"
  "Just a minute, sir..."
A few minutes of waiting and he was on the phone.
  "This is Mr. Tullar, what can I do for you?"
  "Mr, Tullar, this is Edward Garcia from the Corpus Christi police department,
and it seems we have a problem with your son here. Him and a few of his friends
were picked up this morning for a few misconduct charges and in order for him
to be released you'll need to come down here and sign for him."
  "What do you mean I have to come down there," he moans, "he's eighteen years
old, can't he be let out himself? What's he in there for?"
  "Well, sir, an officer picked him up in downtown for running amok with a 
stick. Seems he was going a little crazy and hitting old ladies on the head
and screaming something about canoe heads. He was given a sobriety test along
with his friends and they were all intoxicated with grape kool-aid. This being
a Friday, there's no way he'll get out until at least Monday evening and even
then, we won't be able to release the Camero as it's registered under your
name."
  "This is all kind of shocking to me...uhh...what do I need to do here? I can
...that little son of a bitch...", he starts muttering to himself.
  "Sir, you don't need to use that kind of language around my phone. Now first
of all I'm going to need a little information from you to help clear all this
up. He's facing charges on public intoxication, misconduct, running amok with
a stick in the third degree, burglary and terrorism charges.  I need to-"
  "What do you mean, terrorism?," he screams, "and where did the burglary 
charge come from?"
  "Well, as I was saying before you inturrupted, I don't know how you people 
do things up there in Michigan but down here in Texas you can't just walk into
the Nations bank with pantyhose on your head and demand money. It also turns
out that the FBI is seeking him as the John Doe #2 involved in the Oklahoma
City bombing. A secretary here recognized him right away and the feds are on
their way to interrogate him right now. First off, I need to know exactly 
where they were staying so the search warrant can be served. You son is being
very uncooperative since we found the cocaine in the trunk."
  "He was staying at the Holiday Inn at Emerald Beach."
  "Okay, very good. And could I have your social security number?"
  "Yes, it's 600-00-7913"
  "Alright, and for my report here I need your AT&T or local Bell calling card
number."
  "Oh. Let me see here...Okay, it's 906-341-xxxx-xxxx. What's this for again?"
  "Don't worry about it. Now if you'll-
I looked up and noticed an angry nurse looking at me, demanding her chair back.
"It's okay, ma'am. I'm with the PLA," I said and held up a Phone Losers Of
America business card for her to see and she walks back to her desk, confused.
  "When was your son planning on returning home?"
  "Tomorrow morning. He was planning on leaving first thing in the morning."
At this point I hung up. This man was getting pretty boring and I had other
things to deal with. Like Holiday Inn. The lady at the front desk was very
concerned after I indentified myself as "Bill from Visa" and explained that the
young man staying in room #236 was using a stolen credit card. Unfortunately,
I had just missed them. They had checked out a mere two hours ago. And I was
going to go break into the room. Well, maybe this is better because now the 
dad won't be able to contact them and he'll fly or drive down to get him out
of jail.
  I went up to the counter and told the nurse there to go grab me a Pepsi from
the break room and threw her a dollar. "Get one for yourself, too, babe." When
she left, I grabbed her car keys off the counter, put her chair back for her
(hey, I was feeling nice) and headed for the parking lot. Her car wasn't hard
to find, being the only Toyota in the lot. I hopped in and took off.
  Half a tank of gas, stick shift, working cassette player and tucked up in 
the sun visor was a Diamond Shamrock gas card. A nice plus, but wouldn't do me
a whole lot of good once I got into Kansas. At least she had semi-good taste
in music. I put in a Ramones tape and began to drive...
  Driving all over town, I couldn't find them. I circled around the hotel
parking lot a few times but no sign of them. I went to Diamond Shamrock, filled
up on gas, chips, soda, magazines, candy, maps, cigarettes and a road atlas.
Going back to the car I remembered that I quit smoking a few years ago but 
what the hell, it's all free. I gave one pack to a bum asking for money. I
contemplated stopping by my house but decided against it. Nothing I really 
needed there, besides, I had my backpack which included my cell fone, red box,
electronic organizer, spiral notebook, half a bag of Cheetos and ummm...let's
see...My work uniform shirt. I threw this out the window as I drove towards
Interstate 37.
  My concern wasn't really finding them along the way. That would be very
unlikely to begin with. Actually, I'm not too sure what my main concern was.
I guess fighting off the boredom and not really wanting to go to work that
night. So I drove north, towards Oklahoma City, where I needed to stop and
make a few phone calls. The drive was a little longer than I anticipated and
thirteen hours later I arrived at a rest stop in Minco, a town outside of
Oklahoma City. I put the seat back and closed my eyes for a good five hours
of sleep. I didn't even see the red Camero pull in next to me.

  The next morning I awoke to some little kids running around outside and
yelling a little too loud for 7:30 a.m. I staggered over to the pay phone and
called Dale's house. As I hoped for, nobody was home. It took me about seven
tries but I finally got into their answering machine messages. A few real
estate messages and then one from Dale.
  "Hi, Dad! It's me..Uhh...it's 6:13 a.m. and we're in Tulsa, eating breakfast.
Just wanted to call and let you know that things are going okay. Haven't been
arrested or anything, ha ha! Did you hear anything more from the police? Well,
we should be there in a couple of days. Love you. Oh yeah, something's wrong
with your credit card. For some reason it was canceled and the clerk at the
Exxon station cut it in half so we're using cash 'til we get there."
  I was starting to get a little pissed that they were so far ahead of me but
that was cut short when the next message started playing, "Yes, I'm calling 
for a Mr. Frank Tullar. This is Lt. Davis from the Corpus Christi police
department and I'm returning the call regarding your son. We've never had a
Dale Tullar in custody and there's not even an officer Edward Garcia working
in this city. I don't know if this is a prank or what, but I think you called
the wrong city or something..."
  I ran in the bathroom to brush my teeth, shave and then headed north again,
hoping to catch up to them. One thing that damn nurse didn't have was a radar
detector. I stopped in Oklahoma City to check out the infamous federal 
building wreckage, took a few pictures and got on Interstate 44, going 
towards Tulsa. On the long drive I began to think. That's when I realized 
that I forgot to tell Colleen Card I wouldn't be home last night. Whoops. I
got on the cell fone and did some major explaining to her. Got hung up on a
few times and finally convinced her to pick up some airline tickets and fly up
to Wichita, Kansas to meet me. I set up the airline tickets through a local
travel agency in Corpus. Too bad Mr. Tullar's card had been mysteriously
canceled or I could have used that to fly her up there. Instead I used a card
belonging to some girl named Lisa, the girl who worked at the travel agency.
That would be a tough one for her to explain.
  About five hours later I was in the airport parking lot, waiting for Colleen
to show up. In all, I only lost an hour on them AND I was brought a change of
clothes and my lucky tooth brush.
  "Nice car, where'd it come from?"
  "Spohn Hospital. Come on, we got to catch up with 'em."
  We made a pit stop in Lawrence, Kansas so I could plug into a certain sysop's
telco box and leave the phone off the hook on some 900 numbers. Then we 
continued into Missouri and through Illinois, stopping only once in a small
town in Illinois called Altamont to have some breakfast at Gilbert's Restaurant 
and to discover that most of the town's population had no teeth. Most of the
ride was uneventful, boring stretches of Interstate look the same in just about
any state you go through. It reminded me of why I always take the backroads
and normal highways when traveling.
  We tried to get into the Tullar's answering machine after we got lost and
ended up in Logansport, Indiana, but Mr. Tullar kept picking up the phone.
Finally, I asked him, "Where's your son right now?"
  "Well, he's on vacation and should be home tomorrow."
  "No, I mean, what state is he in right now?"
  "Oh! Well, he called a few hours ago from Effingham, Illinois. Who's this?"
  "I'm just the guy who's stalking him. Don't worry about me, " I replied and
hung up. I looked on the map and found he was pretty far away so we hung 
around Logansport for a few hours, checked out the museums, their "beach", 
and attended the Iron Horse Festival. Of all the places to visit we get one
that has a yearly railroad festival. That being done, we continued towards
Michigan, hoping to see Dale on the road somewhere.
  Finally we made our way out of the backwoods and into Michigan, a state I had
yet to visit. Unfortunately, a state trooper outside the city limits of 
Coldwater, Michigan noticed that Colleen was driving about 30 miles over the
speed limit and started chasing us. It was a pretty intense car chase around
the city and finally ended with us and the police car crashing into the front
doors of the Tibbits Opera House and into the lobby. Air bags, you gotta love
'em!
  I assume the officer had been rendered unconscience becuase we weren't chased
when we ran from the building. We ran across the field, through some back yards
and ended up in the middle of a huge crowd of people. We later found out this
was the Bronson Polish Fevtival or something like that. We stopped at a 
concession to buy a few overpriced Cokes and to consider our options. A block
away a man parked his car next to a store and went inside with several large
boxes. I picked up my backpack and we ran to the car, got in and drove off. 
Small towns, you gotta love 'em!
  Aside from an almost empty tank of gas, we were doing not so bad. Feeling
paranoid, we waited until we got into Tekonsha to get some gas and continued
to drive up Interstate 69 towards Lansing. The rest of the drive north was
more or less boring. The new car was a little battered, yet fast enough. There
was a nice radio but no cassette player meaning we had to try and toon in the
crappy hick stations along the way. The best one was some little independant
station around Ithaca where an old woman was selling her pot holders on the
radio. "Three pot holders for the price of one?? Am I crazy??" She was quite
hilarious and I may write the radio station for a copy of that commercial to
include in a PLA .WAV someday.
  We finally reached Mackinaw City, Michigan's lower peninsula and the end of
our Interstate driving. It took about ten minutes to make it across the 
Mackinac Bridge, probably the longest bridge I ever went across. We arrived in
St. Ignace and started driving west on Highway 2, only a few hours from
Manistique, home of the guy who made me lose my Big Gulp. I wondered if he was
there yet.
  Brevort, Engadine, Blaney Park and finally Mantistique. We had made a stop
at a Wal-Mart in Engadine so I could pick up some school supplies and made a
few fake I.D.'s on the way there, one in Dale's name and one in his dad's name.
  Manistique seemed to be mostly an upper-class type of town located on the
edge of Lake Michigan with Indian Lake on the other side and some kind of a 
really odd bridge somewhere in the middle. Dale's house wasn't hard to find
and his Camero was in the driveway.
  Wait a minute, this is the introduction, isn't it? Why the hell am I rambling
on about my personal problems? Here's PLA Issue #30. Not a whole lot in it,
but enjoy it before the feds come over a confiscate it along with your computer.
Ah, I've got just a few more things to say...After all these months we finally
decided to call back Dino Allsman just to say "hi" and he didn't really
appriciate the call. Zak tried to tell him that we were sorry and he just 
cussed a lot in our general direction. I think the 2 minute string of swearing
from him would have made an excellent recording but stupidly, I wasn't taping
any of it. (See PLA014 for the scoop on Dino.)
  I also hope it's alright with Dark Tangent if I advertise a partyline he set
up for phreaks. The number is 801-855-3326. For those few of you that call
Hotel California, you'll notice that this one is similar but it's more phreak
related. Enjoy!

Cainesville Gets Fones Installed! - RBCP
----------------------------------------
This is a good one that Colleen Card pulled up on the library computer. It's
a local news broadcast transcript on 10/23/94 about a little town in Utah that's
never had fones installed until a few months ago. So here it is...

DANIEL ZWERDLING, Host: We are now calling a number in Cainesville, Utah, and
Weekend All Things Considered feels very, very honored to - four, five, six -
we feel honored to be able to make history in this way. This town has never had
telephones before, ever, and they got 17 of them installed just three weeks 
ago. [sound of phone ringing] So far, so good.

FORREST SIMS, Cainesville Resident: Hello?

ZWERDLING: Forrest Sims?

MR. SIMS: Yes?
ZWERDLING: Hi. I was just about to tell our listeners that this is one of the
first phone calls that you guys have had in this town.
MR. SIMS: That's pretty close, yes.
ZWERDLING: Why did it take so long for you to get telephones? I mean, this town
has never, ever had phones, right?
MR. SIMS: Well, they did many, many years ago, but it was just a single, little
old hand crank, and then, when most of the people left, they just kind of 
rolled up the wire behind them as they left.
ZWERDLING: Now, Forrest Sims, you own an RV camper park, right, called
Sleepy Hollow?
MR. SIMS: Yes. It's a little RV campground.
ZWERDLING: And, what I'm wondering is, for all these years that you've lived
in this town, how did not having telephones make life better or worse for you?
MR. SIMS: Well, we think it hurt the business a little bit. We would just kind
of get together if we needed to make a bunch of phone calls. We would just wait
'til we got a fairly decent list going and then just drive into town and make
the phone calls.
ZWERDLING: So how far did you have to drive to make a phone call?
MR. SIMS: It would be 22 miles one way.
ZWERDLING: And, Forrest Sims, I should mention before we go on, we have 
another one of the 35 residents of Cainesville on the line with us now.
Ethel Jackson, are you there?
ETHEL JACKSON, Cainsville Resident: Yes, I am.
ZWERDLING: Hi. Well, congratulations.
MS. JACKSON: Thank you.
ZWERDLING: I'm wondering, Ethel Jackson, and also Forrest Sims. I'm trying to
picture living in a town where I can't call any of the neighbors by telephone.
So that means if I want to talk to somebody, I have to either walk or drive to
their house, right?
MS. JACKSON: Right.
MR. SIMS: Well, as far as I'm concerned, the way it's been for us, you know,
that's kind of nice, because then you get to see your neighbor once in a while
and sit and visit.
MS. JACKSON: That's what I think. Now we don't get to see them.
MR. SIMS: What was that Ethel? Go ahead.
MS. JACKSON: Now we don't get to see our neighbors.
MR. SIMS: That's about it. You know, you know of- in a way, you stop going down
and visiting, and so, that way, maybe it's hurt a little bit. Yeah.
ZWERDLING: Now, I would also guess that sometimes people would- you know, you'd
show up unannounced, obviously, because you couldn't announce it with a phone
call, and would people say, "Hey, why don't you stop, you know, come on in and
have lunch or dinner?"
MS. JACKSON: That's what it is. That's what it's all about.
MR. SIMS: Yeah. That's the way it always happens.
ZWERDLING: But I take it people are going to have lunch and dinner with each
other less often?
MS. JACKSON: Well-
MR. SIMS: I don't think so. Do you, Ethel?
MS. JACKSON: No, I don't. Maybe it might be just your local people around here
but we still have people that drop in and-
ZWERDLING: Hmmmm. Well, Ethel Jackson, how many phone calls have you received
today?
MS. JACKSON: Today?
ZWERDLING: Mmm-hmm.
MS. JACKSON: Oh, I've received one from Forrest and three from the lady that
contacted me, and then-
ZWERDLING: Wait. This is all calls concerning this interview? Those don't
count. Forget those four phone calls. [Didn't she say three??]
MS. JACKSON: Oh. Well, I have my little grandchildren that call every day to
see how we are.
ZWERDLING: Oh, that's nice. And, Forrest Sims, what about you? Are you 
spending a lot of time on the phone now?
MR. SIMS: Yeah, more so that if I had no phone, of course, naturally. But, so
far, most of it has been, you know, just to conduct business, and of course,
talk to the family, which is out of state or, you know, up in Salt Lake.
ZWERDLING: All riht. Well, listen, Forrest Sims, Ethel Jackson, thanks very
much for speaking with us today. I understand that this is the first- the very
first conference call you've ever had in your town?
MR. SIMS: Yes. That's for sure. I can say that.
ZWERDLING: Well, thanks for letting us be part of it.
MR. SIMS: Oh, you're quite welcome.
ZWERDLING: And, Ethel Jackson, if you don't get any- if you don't get more
than one call a day, you can always call us here at NPR.
MR. JACKSON: Oh, or you can call me. [laughter]
ZWERDLING: All right. I'll do that.
MS. JACKSON: Okay. Thank you. Bye.
ZWERDLING: Bye-Bye.
MR. SIMS: Bye-bye, now.

And that's it. After I read the transcript a few times I went crazy with the
801 Utah information trying to locate Mr. Sims and Ms. Jackson so I could 
bother them with silly questions and maybe order them a few calling cards but
information couldn't find anything listed. No police station, no chamber of
commerce, no fire department, nothing. The information operator was even a
little weirded out about this and I told her they just got phones installed
in their town a few months ago and she said, "I doubt that."

If anyone can get some information on this town, I'd really appriciate it.
There's no way for me to even order tourist information because there's no
Chamber of Commerce to call. So if anyone gets any info on the town, please
U.S. mail it to me and you'll receive a FREE subscription to the PLA mag! You
can't beat that, can you?

How To Get PHREE Merchandise From Your Local Electronics Store - )r. )r:                
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Are you tired of these assholes ripping you off?  Are you tired of buying 
electronics for 25 times what it takes Intel, Radio Shack, GE, etc, to make 
their products?  That's where you come in! There is a simple way to get 
electronics for phree these days and it's called bullshiting.

Bullshiting can be a lot of phun. In order for it to work you have to be and 
outgoing social person whose not afraid to tell people what the hell you think 
about them. Bullshiting is very simple. There are many ways to accomplish 
bullshiting.  The first is to phind a local electronics store that has very 
poor security.  I mean they have absolute shit for security. Stores who keep 
their merchandise behind the counter (e.g. Circuit City & Best Products) are 
the absolute worst places to hit.  Pick easy going stores like Radio Shack, 
Computer City, and Best Buy.  

Their are two ways of bullshiting that I personally know of. The first way is 
going into the selected store, pick up whatever the product is that you need, 
rip the plastic off, walk to the return desk and bullshit them. What I mean by 
"bullshit" is I want you to give them your very best lie. I  want you to have 
this lie memorized back and forth OK?  What you are going to tell them is that 
you bought this product a couple of weeks ago and that it doesn't work now.  
You just want your money back or an exchange.  You lost the receipt and don't 
know what to do.

Possible outcomes:

        1.  They exchange the product for a new one
        2.  They give you a CASH refund.
        3.  They tell you to get the hell out of their store (in this
            case run out with the merchandise!!)
        4.  They arrest you?  In this case you are going to need to
            bullshit a lot to get out of this one!

The second way of bullshiting is a little less risky.  This idea was taken 
from P.L.A. text file #12.  The only difference is that you won't be returning 
only modems, you will be returning anything you want.  In esence, what you do 
is you buy a product, lets say a 128bit video card with 4 megs of onboard 
video ram. 

Lets also say you bought this video card for $300.  What you are fixing to do 
is, take your old 256k MCGA video card, put it in the 128bit video card box 
and return it to the store in which you bought it from. Not only are you 
getting you money back, but you are getting a PHREE video card worth $300.  
Possible outcomes:  

        1.  They ask you, "Hey what are you trying to pull here?" 
            Your resonse, "What do you mean?"
            "Well sir, it looks to me like you are trying to cheat us out
            here!"  "What, what the fuck, hey listen bitch! I am just trying 
            to get my motherfucking money back.  Your goddamned video card 
            isn't worth shit. The guy who bought it before me must have done 
            it."  "Uhhh ok sir here's your money, sorry this happened." 

        2.  "Here you go sir, just fill these papers out and I'll
             give you a refund."

        3.  "Well sorry sir,  We can exchange it for you, or give you
             in-store credit." (In this case you can get even more shit and 
             return it later!)

I personally have done the first and second one many times. Hell, half of my 
computer I got for PHREE!! :)  This includes a Super VGA card, a 14.4k Baud 
modem (I didn't like it so I sold it for $50 and phree exchanged a USR 28.8k 
modem), a mouse and a shitload of software.  See bullshiting can be fun and 
profitable, ya just have to get good at it and keep a straight face.

P.L.A.n Carefully!!!

Adult GIFs on Roy's Place - RedBoxChiliPepper:
---------------------------------------------
Roy's Place, one of the two main PLA support boards has an adult GIF section
that was looking rather bare so me & Zak (Big Roy) decided to spice up the
GIF descriptions there a bit. So over the next few months we added descriptions
to the adult GIFs and people are taking them seriously too, thinking
that our bogus descriptions are for real. So here's a listing of the current
adult GIFs on Roy's Place (618-797-2339) as of 5/11/95. Hopefully these will
be somewhat entertaining to you... (By the way, I edited out the blank ones so
the numbers on the left are a little screwy.)


Real Cool Disgusting Pics - #2, 248 files.

 1!LEZ-1  .GIF 161kA picture of Dappy from the Clip Joint.
 2!LEZ-2  .GIF  83kDappy banging her dog, Cumhead.
 5#10BOOBS.GIF 173kA Plumpers lady with 10 boobs coming out her ass.
 6150ZZZ#4.GIF 141kDeter eating poo poo
 716INCH-6.GIF 188kPicture of Alex Carbon
 817TEEN  .GIF  87kHurry up and go away
 91CORN   .GIF 146kA woman playing with her food.       
102-MUCH  .GIF 117kAmeritech Corporate Security Group Photo
113DEB020 .GIF  45kI'll bring my bookbag and some orange juice!
124-PLAY-G.GIF 127kRoy & his gerbil having foreplay
134FINGERS.GIF  40kA girl with four fingers up her nose
144FIST2  .GIF 107kfour fists up her nose
1555DD    .GIF 131kA Troy, IL police officer wacking off in his car.
16ADRIENE .GIF 120kMy ex-girlfriend, Adriene
17AFTER   .GIF  53kRoy after he molested 28 gerbils
18ALYSSA  .GIF 106kJim Bayless laying spread eagle by the Ameritech building
19AMY05   .GIF 192kSome girl in the street that we mollested.
14ANNIE3  .GIF  45kJerry Falwell getting some.
16ARIEL01_.GIF 196kJaysen Phillips shiting on his car
17ARIEL02_.GIF 100kDeter
18ARIEL03_.GIF 114kI'm alex carbon and i ain't got any calling card
19ARIEL04_.GIF 100khuman feces and urine
20ARIEL05_.GIF 140kt.p. for my bungholeo
 1ARIEL06_.GIF 131ka gallon of milk
 2ARIEL07_.GIF 127kAn exploding toilet.
 3ARIEL08_.GIF 135kmy job application for quiktrip
 4ARIEL_B .GIF  91kDeter
 6ASIA_P00.GIF 133kGod molested my children.
 9AUSTIN  .GIF 139kThe Bell orgy at HoHoCon in Austin, Texas
11B-BUSTY2.GIF 130kDeter
12BAMY-009.GIF  73kA chick sucking on her own big toes
14BARBIE  .GIF 195kMy little 3-year old sister, Barbie.
15BASINGER.GIF  87kKim Basinger eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich
16BATH    .GIF  33kRobert E Allen (pres. of AT&T) taking a bubble bath.
17BATTERUP.GIF  32kRyan Grant hitting his 7-eleven manager with a bat.
18BELL    .GIF 116kVarious Bell employees naked & playing with themselves
19BELLE   .GIF  58kDeter
20BELLE01 .GIF 121ka mustard cutting factory
 1BELLE02 .GIF 137kshit
 2BELLE03 .GIF 130kThe PLA terrorizing a lineman
 3BELLE04 .GIF 157kthe PLA being frightening
 4BELLE05 .GIF 126kThe PLA taking over the 618 area code
 5BELLE06 .GIF 147kThe PLA looting a Best Buy
 6BELLE_A .GIF  87kBrent Deterding
 7BEV     .GIF 125kThe DOC from STNG!
 8BIGMAM10.GIF 147kJim Bakker screwing Tammy's pet gerbil.
 9BIGNIPS .GIF 102kDanny Colwell showing off his big nipples
10BLAIR1  .GIF 151kPicture of Francis G. Blair elementary school
11BLAIRTIT.GIF  71kAT&T family picnic being bombed by the PLA
12BLONDE29.GIF  30kDeter in drag
13BREETWNS.GIF 131kThe Jerky Boys having sex together.
14BRIANNA4.GIF 287kBundy girl
15BRUN-11 .GIF 229kDeter beating off to a copy of Plumpers
16BUNNY   .GIF  81kDeter raping a cute bunny
17BUSTY-1 .GIF  69kDeter touching his huge boobies
18BUSTY9  .GIF  71kTodd Ahlers kicking his dog in the Boobies
19BUSTY_31.GIF 243kSylvia thompson with lung cancer
20BUSTY_33.GIF 202kA dancing bowl of snot
 1BUSTY_34.GIF 145k*burp*
 2BUSTY_35.GIF 137kCookies are good
 3BUTTHOLE.GIF 183kApple pie on toast
 4CANDY03 .GIF 101kRoy waving his private parts around a little girl.
 5CANDY04 .GIF 110kRoy offering candy to a gerbil if he'll get in his car
 6CASS3   .GIF 162kJason Crews nude, taping himself to the ceiling
 7CC-NOTOP.GIF 175kA naked Cactus
29CHRISTY .GIF  51kChristy Brinkley vaccuming the carpet.
10COEDS2  .GIF  24kA picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 2 coeds
11COEDS3  .GIF  30kA picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 3 coeds
12COEDS4  .GIF  29kA picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 4 coeds
13COEDS5  .GIF  31kA picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 5 coeds
14COEDS6  .GIF  33kA picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 6 coeds & a gerbil
15COURTNEY.GIF 139kCourtney Love shooting Kirk in the head.
16DENISE14.GIF  57kA girl named Denise watching a Gerbil
17DENISE16.GIF  42kDenise running amok with a stick
18DEY-SUSA.GIF  58kDr. Seuss masturbating.
20DONA    .GIF  31kDonna scanning cordless Phones
 2EJ1     .GIF   7kDanny Colwell shoving a large coke up his ass
 3FAMILY-2.GIF 131kDeters parents screwing him
 7FLADY001.GIF  67kMrs. Hagar flying down the stairs, late for work!
 8FLADY002.GIF  69kDeter doing filthy things with a pack of condoms
11GASPUMP .GIF 162kDeter pumping gas in the ass
12GESS101E.GIF  71kA gerbil working on the Telco ESS
13GFB051  .GIF  78kTodd Ahlers molesting a kittycat
20GL#40PSL.GIF 117kRoy's Place, Telly speaking
 1GL07-PSL.GIF 113kSteve, manager of Am\Pm, next to the slurpee machine
16GUESS9  .GIF 206kAll asian gifs for pizza slut
18HOTDAY  .GIF 232kthe PLA being bad in a Radio Shack
19HOTTEST2.GIF 114kA picture of the sun
20HOTTEST4.GIF 135kSome Naked picture
 3JENNYBBS.GIF  87kMy hot baby jenny
15KATYA   .GIF  90kKatya sitting on the couch eating Pringles chips
16KATYA4  .GIF  67kErik B. touching hisself where it doesn't feel right
12LOTYA   .GIF  24kTodd Ahlers stimulating himself with a phone cord.
10MARKIE  .GIF  42kMarkie Mark & Homey G Roy getting it on
11MATTIE  .GIF  24kMattie vaccuming the living room.
12MNRVASEX.GIF  61kUng
14MOORE02 .GIF  79kMary Tyler Moore eating broccli.
15MPOST   .GIF  50kJason Crews standing on a post, eating denture table
19ORIENT3 .GIF  37kTodd Ahlers smearing himself with Egg Foo Young
20ORIENT4 .GIF  30kLee Willie, manager of granite city radio shack
 1ORIENT7 .GIF  23kUng
 2PASSION1.GIF  55kBob passionately touching his farm animals.
 3PASSION2.GIF  58kBob's farm animals passionately touching each other.
 4PASSION3.GIF  55kHe kicked my fucking ass al over the store
10PAULINAN.GIF  79kSol rosenberg and Frank Rizzo at the AT&T building
11PEARLS  .GIF  83kA naked pic of my dog.
12PIGTAIL7.GIF 126kA naked pigtail
15PUSSY   .GIF  39kMy kitty cat shivering after being out in the rain.
18SLAMMIN .GIF  99kWoohoo! I'm naked
19SN1     .GIF 165kThe Bolivian Navy on Manuvers
20SOAPY   .GIF  26kA picture of an Oregon Relay Operator taking a bath
 2SUZIEQ  .GIF  50kMartini
12TEENS3  .GIF 137kChris & Ryan taking a bubble bath together
13TEENS4  .GIF 124kMY NAME IS ROY
14TONYA3  .GIF 135kChris & Ryan swinging fruity together
15TOWERS50.GIF  79kThe world trade center
16TRACY   .GIF  56kDeter and Danny Colwell doing bad things with popsic
17UNDIES  .GIF  64kMy underwear on the airport carosel
18VANNA-W .GIF  38kVanna White doing her taxes.
19VLR5    .GIF  59kDeter stroking a stereo
20VPBATH  .GIF  89kJamie and her remote control socks
 1WARNRCHY.GIF  61kYeah
 3WET     .GIF  73kA picture of a garden hose.
 4WHOME1  .GIF 118kThe PLA blowing up the Ameritech building
 5WORK    .GIF  29kArtie, the strongest man in the world
 6WORKOUT .GIF  96kRedBoxChiliPepper raping an MCI operator
 7XALADDIN.GIF 195kUh huh
 8XMAS2   .GIF  30kRBCP's Christmas photo '94.
 9ZENA1   .GIF 151kThe PLA kidnapping Jim Bayless
 4DENISE14.GIF  57kA girl named Denise watching a Gerbil
 5DENISE16.GIF  42kDenise running amok with a stick
 6DEY-SUSA.GIF  58kChris Tomkinson watching buffy the vampire slayer
 7DONA    .GIF  31kDonna scanning cordless Phones
 8EJ1     .GIF   7kKith kanan dancing the jig
 9FLADY001.GIF  67kNancy Reagan giving chris the ride of his life
10FLADY002.GIF  69kRonald Reagan giving chris the ride of his life
11GESS101E.GIF  71kA gerbil working on the Telco ESS
12GFB051  .GIF  78kTodd Ahlers molesting a kittycat
13GL#40PSL.GIF 117kRoy's Place, Telly speaking
15HOTTEST2.GIF 114kA picture of the sun
18KATYA   .GIF  90kKatya sitting on the couch eating Pringles chips
20KRAFT75 .GIF 184kA GIF of a plate of Kraft American Cheese
 1LORETTA .GIF 168kHave you seen my dentures?
 5MONKEY  .GIF  46kA monkey & a gerbil having sex
 6MOORE02 .GIF  79kMary Tyler Moore eating broccli.
 7MPOST   .GIF  50kJason Crews standing on a post, eating denture tablets
 8ORIENT3 .GIF  37kTodd Ahlers smearing himself with Egg Foo Young
 9ORIENT4 .GIF  30kPork fried Rice
10ORIENT7 .GIF  23ksoy sauce
11PASSION1.GIF  55kChris TOmkinson passionately touching his armpit
12PASSION2.GIF  58kChris Tomkinson passionately touching his mom.
13PASSION3.GIF  55kChris Tomkinson losing his lunch in the toilet
14PAULINAN.GIF  79kMr. Pauli Nan drowning in oatmeal
15PEARLS  .GIF  83kA naked pic of my dog.
16PUSSY   .GIF  39kA picture of Chris Tomkinson's shaved pussy
17SOAPY   .GIF  26kA picture of an Oregon Relay Operator taking a bath
18SUZIEQ  .GIF  50kRBCP's mom tied up with a lamp cord
19TRACY   .GIF  56kTracy hacking on the internet
20VANNA-W .GIF  38kVanna White doing her taxes.
 1VLR5    .GIF  59kRyan Grant stroking a stereo
 2VPBATH  .GIF  89kJamie had her remote control socks
 3WET     .GIF  73kA picture of a garden hose.
 4WHOME1  .GIF 118kMr. Beef Head
 5WORK    .GIF  29kArtie, the strongest man in the world
 6WORKOUT .GIF  96kRedBoxChiliPepper raping an MCI operator
 7XMAS2   .GIF  30kRBCP's Christmas photo '94.
 8ZENA1   .GIF 151kChris Tomkinson's dad

And that's all. Most of it isn't understandable because they deal with private
jokes so I'll try to enlighten those who really care. Jim Bayless is an 
Ameritech employee, Chris Tomkinson is an back stabbing kind of old friend,
Danny Colwell is a thieving little shit, Ryan Grant is Chris Tomkinson's
roommate and possible lover in college, Roy is Roy, Todd Ahlers is a person
who has the misfortune to own a telephone and Jason Crews is an uptight 
little nobody who always forgets to bring the milk in, Brent Deterding (Deter)
is a little lame-o kid who everyone likes to laugh at alot and gets beat up in
school all the time and tries to use calling cards straight from his home.
_______________________________________________________________________________
                ---Phone Losers Of America Headline News---
_______________________________________________________________________________
"Two Phone Company Employees Charged With Assault" - associated press

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK - Two employees of Southwestern Bell are facing up to three
years in prison and fines of up to $5000 each for assaulting a local citizen.
Roy Coldwell, 29 and Darin McCall, 35, both telephone linemen for Southwestern
Bell both claim that a local resident had opened up one of their trucks while
they were sitting inside on a lunch break, grabbed a Bell hat and ran.

Coldwell, once a U.S. Olympic marathon winner soon caught up to the resident
and forced him to the ground, knocking the Bell hat out of his hands and began
to beat the resident to a bloody pulp with his lineman's handset. McCall then
arrived on the scene, kicking the victim with his Bell issued steel toed 
boots. Luckily, the event occurred in front of Rhonda's Donut Shop and Officer
O'Mally was able to stop the employees.

Both Coldwell and McCall are being held in the Oklahoma county jail on $25,000 
bond. The victim, who's name is not yet being released, is in stable condition
and recovering at the OKCITY hospital. It is rumored that he is a member of
Poi.                                            <FakE NeWs>
_______________________________________________________________________________
Colleen Card found a pretty interesting article in the local paper. It will
probably make you think twice about trying certain things described in PLA003.

  VENTURA, CA - A man furious over a failed land deal took it out on the 
property owner by having 90,000 magazines sent to her address.
  "I got every known magazine on the face of the Earth," lawyer Theresa 
McConville said after Reynaldo Fong was sentenced Tuesday. Fong got a year in
jail for forging her name on subscription forms.
  "He could have won a Nobel prize if he would have put as much energy into his
job as he did with me, " said McConville of Camarillo, who got the unsolicited
magazines over the past 13 years.
  Fong, 45, of Santa Paula is an anesthesiologist from the Philippines who has
been in the United States illegally since his visa expired in 1980.
  According to a probation report, Fong said he had a vendetta against   
McConville because she rejected his bid for land she was selling.
_______________________________________________________________________________

  RALIEGH, NC - Kevin Mitnick, recently captured for illegal computer hacking,
has possibly added a few more years to his possible sentence by pulling yet
another stunt from his prison cell. The vetran computer hacker was denied all
access to a public prison phone for fear that he would cause even more 
trouble but what authorities apparently forgot to do a full body cavity search
on Mitnick.
  Two weeks after being sent to prison, Mitnick remember hiding a cellular
phone in his butt cheeks. After a little digging around he was able to locate
the phone and made several calls to various long distance companies, shutting
down phone service for much of the Eastern United States and ordering flowers
for Lenny DeCicco, his old partner in crime. Mitnick was unavailble for
comment.
                                                <faKe NewS>

ContactThePhoneLosersOfAmericaNearestYou!͸
  Voice:                             Data:                                 
  512-370-4680 PLA Voicemail System  618-797-2339 PLA BBS Illinois Line    
͵ 512-883-7543 PLA BBS Texas Line       
 U.S. Mailing Address:               512-851-8317 Sonic Youth Systems      
 Phone Losers Of America            ͵
 P.O. Box 3642                       FTP Site: FTP.FC.NET                  
 Corpus Christi, TX 78463            directory pub\deadkat\incoming\PLA    
                                     (Thanks to Disorder & Deadkat!)       
;
